Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.
My Pony League baseball team was not very good, and everyone knew it. Our coach knew it too, so his attitude was to have fun. At that time, it was popular to break the huddle with "Hits and Runs!" But as I mentioned, we weren't good, and just wanted to have fun, so our coach had us break the huddle with "Tits and Guns!" He was arrested two years later for carrying a loaded shotgun in his pickup truck.
Like most football coaches, my high school coach absolutely hated penalties. His most hated, by far, was offsides on a kick-off. He explained what a disadvantage the coverage unit has when they have to cover the kick-off twice. Every time we were getting ready to practice special teams, he would start us off with his favorite saying: "Now everybody remember. It is better to have died as a small child than to be offsides on a kick-off."
In high school I had a football coach that, when he got mad, would sometimes mess up what he was trying to say, to sometimes hilarious results. One day we were at practice and it was not going well. When he finally lost it he was screaming, his whole head red, and tried to say "if you guys don't get this right I'm going to have an aneurysm!" but what came out was "if you don't get this right I'm going to have an orgasm!" needless to say, as he was still ranting, the whole team and other coaches were just staring at him trying not to laugh. Finally, the coaches started laughing, which made us laugh. Well, as the yelling coach started to realize that everyone was laughing he stopped and the head coach told him what he said. He looked at us and just said: "Okay, let's get this done," and we went back to practice.
Although there was no rule against it, most schools in our area only played freshman and sophomores on their JV teams. We caught wind that our next opponent, who happened to be our biggest rival, had been playing some juniors and seniors all season. To make things fair, we did the same, picking some juniors and one senior who never saw playing time in varsity. We were down a few points at halftime, so our coach went into one of his usual tirades, which included the line, "If you're a senior and you're playing JV, you fucking SUCK! You hear me? You fucking SUCK!". Well, he immediately realized that our starting center was a senior, looked at him, and said: "Not you Josh, we need you."
A few years later, this coach would be arrested for taking a hunting bow into a nightclub after an altercation involving his son. That seems way too dumb to be true, but, unfortunately, it is.
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Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.