"Jay Cutler Visits The Doctor": A Short Play

Hi, Jay. How are you today?

Hi, Dr. Steve. I'm okay.

Really? Lovie told me you hurt your knee.

Yeah, I guess so.

You guess so? Lovie said you couldn't go out and play yesterday because of it.

Yeah.

Well, which knee is it? I'll take a look and we'll see what we can do.

It's my left one. Or maybe my right one. I can't really remember.

You can't remember? Well, it can't hurt that bad.

I don't know. I'm pretty tough.

Jay?

Yes, Dr. Steve?

Did you just make up this whole story so you could come here today and get a lollipop?

No.

Jay?

Can I have a lollipop?

Jay, we've talked about how lollipops are bad for you.

But I like lollipops.

But your diabetes, Jay. You can't have them.

I know.

And Jay?

Yeah, Dr. Steve?

You're almost 28 years-old now. I like you. But it's probably time you stop coming to see me. I am a pediatrician. A kid's doctor. The mural on the wall behind you is of a teddy bear holding balloons.

But I like coming here. And my old team said I'm like a child emotionally.

I know, Jay. But you're the quarterback of an NFL team. You need to act like it.

But how?

Well, for example, sometimes you need to understand how things are perceived. Like, if you're hurt, you should still try to stay involved in the game by helping your backup with strategy or by firing up your teammates.

But…

No, Jay. It's for your own good. Now let me see that knee. Which one is it?

My left one.

Well, this isn't my specialty — as I am a children's doctor — but I think what you have there is a sprained MCL. That's a real injury, Jay.

I said that it hurt. Why didn't people believe me?

Perception, Jay. Like I was telling you.

Okay. I'll try to work on that. Thanks, Dr. Steve. I guess I'll get going.

Good luck, Jay.

Dr. Steve?

Yes, Jay?

Can you give me a band-aid for my knee? You know, so people know I'm hurt? For perception?

Definitely! Now you're learning.

And make it a Batman band-aid, too! Those Dora The Explorer band-aids were the old Jay!