Oh, you want to cross-country ski? Why would anyone want to freeze his ass off for something he could accomplish just as well on a NordicTrack? Get lost, weirdo. Why don't you go knit yourself a sweater with snowflakes on it?
If you're a member of an aristocratic Massachusetts political dynasty, make sure you take a football on the slopes with you. Trust us, nothing bad could possibly happen.
If you see Shaun White, punch him in the face. This is sound advice for non-skiing contexts, too.
Should killjoys tell you that skiing has no cultural diversity, remind them that it's a sport that's enjoyed by affluent white people from literally all over the industrialized parts of the Western world.
When your day on the slopes is over, remember to never, ever remove your lift ticket from your jacket's zipper. How else will people know to be super impressed that you went skiing?
