#1 Crab Soccer
Yet for some reason, crab soccer is awesome. What could be better than seeing a bunch of kids crabwalk around on all fours, trying to kick a ball? The fundamentals are no worse than in actual youth soccer, and the kids get the fun benefit of occasionally stomping on each other's fingers or kicking someone in the face. In fact, we're pretty sure we could talk ourselves into getting excited for the Crab World Cup every four years.
#2 Getting Hit in the Face with a Dodgeball
What sort of monstrous coach would make you keep playing after you took a dodgeball to the mouth? That would be downright cruel. No, better to hit the showers, then sit out for the rest of the day. Relax, unwind, have a snack, read a magazine, and laugh at all those poor bastards who didn't have the good fortune to be hit in the face with a rubber ball.
*Unless you wore glasses, in which case your face was covered in lacerations.
#3 Red Rover
"Alright, Janey and Bill, here's what you do: rigidly hold your weak little still-growing arms out rigidly at your sides. We're going to have another kid run into your arm at full speed. If he can't break through, you'll feel the sweet reward of victory. Also, a shattered humeris."
The game is so much fun that it's a shame that for the sake of efficiency, future generations of children won't even play Red Rover. The gym teacher will simply select one child at random, break both his arms, and then have the rest of the kids do something useful, like practice sending each other dirty text messages.
Maybe it's the hypnotic waving of the colors. Maybe it's the old-fashioned fun of repeatedly raising your arms. No one can really say. Like a mother's love, the gym class parachute isn't something you should deconstruct or analyze too closely. Just raise it, lower it, and appreciate that at the end of the day, kids are really, really easily entertained. Plus, it's great job training for the 0.0000001% of students who will someday become paratroopers! And even better training for those who will be Don't Ask, Don't Tell-style paratroopers!
#5 Avoiding Taking a Shower
Best to avoid that briar patch altogether. Just pull off your gym uniform, slap on a little new deodorant, and head back to your normal classes. After those quick passes with the Degree no one will even notice that your body is covered with dried sweat. If anyone asks what that smell is, just laugh and say, "Must be the cafeteria." Quick thinking there, stinky!