Typical Uniform: Vomit-stained shirts, shorts.
Typical Major: Undeclared.
How To Beat Them: Bring beers, the site of which will cause them to vomit and forfeit.
Pro Team They Most Resemble: Late '80s Miami hurricanes (minus the cocaine energy boost).
Typical Uniform: Matching t-shirts (printed for 10 bucks a piece by professional printing company), shorts, headbands, and wristbands. Seriously, wristbands.
Typical Major: Physical Education, Justice Studies.
How To Beat Them: Ask for random PED testing. If that fails, beating them with any hard object available will do. (Pro Tip: Aim for the kneecaps.)
Pro Team They Most Resemble: 2003 Patriots.
Typical Uniform: Matching Sheryl Swoopes sneakers.
Major: ROTC.
How To Win: If you win then you're a dick, if you lose then you're a pussy. Hope it goes into several overtimes and the rec center has to close.
Pro Team They Most Resemble: '98 U.S women's soccer team.
How To Beat Them: Don't get too tempted and start drinking.
Typical Uniform: Man, this Gatorade tastes funny.
Typical Major: Uuuuuhhhhh Sccomunicattioans or some ashit.
Pro Team They Most Resemble: sd Jesisz I'm drunks.
Typical Uniform: Matching t-shirts with team written in magic marker, cleats (basketball only).
Typical Major: Philosophy.
How To Win: Convince them that touchdowns are scored by throwing the football in one of the side hoops.
Pro Team They Most Resemble: the AFC West.
Typical Uniform: Oh man, oh man, oh man.
Typical Major: Major? I dunno dude just stop talking.
How To Beat Them: Oh man, oh man. She's stretching.
Pro Team They Most Resemble: 2010 Patriots.
