#6 Bob Bowlsby, Big 12
His conference may not be big, but his graying temples show that he's been around long enough to know what he's doing. Comfortable posing semi-naturally at his desk or placing a hat atop his head, Bowlsby could probably fulfill several of your most tame fantasies.
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#5 Larry Scott, Pac-12
Unbuttoned shirts. Laid back. Casual. This is a conference commissioner who is secure in who he is. Stable. With 12 schools and ocean to his West and mountains to his East, he's settled and isn't our there looking for new conquests. This is the kind of commissioner you can take home to mom and dad. Those dimples and adorable baby duck hair mean he's not half-bad to look at either.
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#4 John Swofford, ACC
You know what they say about guys with big eyebrows, don't you? Me neither. But it's probably something pretty hot.
Swofford had the game to partially lure Notre Dame to his conference, so if he can get a strict Catholic to say yes, you'd be helpless to his charms.
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#3 Mike Aresco, Big East
He likes to change up his looks. Glasses on, glasses off. Green tie, red tie. You know he'd keep things interesting. And you better believe that running the Big East means he's flexible and open to absolutely everything. A guy who will run a conference with a team in San Diego and call it the Big East has absolutely no inhibitions.
You still might not think he's any better than a 3 or a 4, but now put your automatic BCS berth goggles on. Damn. He's fine.
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#2 Jim Delany, Big Ten
Delany's unkept, nearly filthy appearance suggests he doesn't care about how he looks, he just wants to pleasure you. And his non-stop expansion and growth and unquenchable thirst for more, doing it in less desirable places all the time and wanting to put it all on TV shows you'll need to beg him to stop.
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#1 Mike Slive, SEC
You think Slive is goofy looking? Too old? Even ugly? So what. You're not thinking long-term here. His conference is loaded. This is the kind of commissioner you want to marry knowing that you'll be set for life and that his rich conference will eventually pay for his plastic surgery to make him into the commissioner of your dreams.