2. You assumed that because Peyton Manning is 36 and has had 36 neck surgeries that he was too risky to draft.
3. You stupidly played Chris Johnson in Weeks 1, 2, 3 and 5 instead of Weeks 4, 6, 7 and 8.
4. You "savvily" "stole" Maurice Jones-Drew in the 4th Round.
5. While most of your players are healthy, you assume all of them must be playing with some sort of unreported debilitating injury.
6. Every week you pick up a defense playing against your quarterback, knowing it will get several turnovers and touchdowns.
7. You lost to the guy who lost his league password after the draft and hasn't once changed his lineup.
8. You have considered running your team ironically for the rest of the season.
9. Everyone else in the league has stopped mocking your team because it's already gotten old.
10. You welcome Bye Weeks because you know that at least they won't result in negative points.
11. You are seriously considering getting Brandon Weeden off of the waiver wire.
12. You have asked the league commissioner to consider allowing kickers to be used in the Flex position.
13. Your late-round "value pick" has the most fantasy points on your team.
14. You drafted Toby Gerhart as security for Adrian Peterson.
15. You didn't draft Adrian Peterson.
16. Rams kicker Greg Zuerlein is your best trade chip.
17. You zoomed-in the screen size setting on your TV so you can't see the depressing fantasy stats scrolling across the bottom of the screen.
18. You took Joe Flacco at his word about being the best quarterback in the NFL.
19. None of your players have had games against Washington or Buffalo's defense.
20. You failed to realize that Heath Miller's eighth year in the league would be his fantasy breakout season.
21. You read a fantasy football advice column before your draft.
22. You once got excited when you held a 2.6-to-0 lead after a Thursday Night Football game.
23. You have changed your team's name to something self-deprecating.
24. You were counting on the league winnings to pay some bills.
25. You have a Chief.