2001: New Jersey Jets president and general manager Rod Thorn selects Scalabrine in the 2nd Round of the NBA Draft on a dare.
2002: Scalabrine keeps his roster spot with the Nets thanks to a clerical error.
2003: Scalabrine wins a Golden Globe Award for Best Male Supporting Actor (Comedy) for his hilarious bit appearances playing basketball on TNT.
2004: Scalabrine starts and is the go-to player on offense for Team USA at the 2004 Olympic Games.
2005: Scalabrine signs a personal services contract with Boston Celtics with the requirement of "being white, having red hair and wearing a Boston Celtics jersey."
2006: Scalabrine scores the first points of his NBA career when a teammate's shot is blocked off of his forehead and deflects into the basket.
2007: Kevin Garnett spends a 72-hour period screaming at Scalabrine and slapping him in the face. Scalabrine calls the experience "the most I've ever felt part of a team."
2008: Scalabrine rides the bench for the Boston Celtics, yet wins an NBA championship ring with the team making him a better basketball player than LeBron James for four years according to one form of talent evaluation.
2009: After years of physical therapy and practice, Scalabrine teaches himself to jog and jump slightly off of the ground for the first time.
2010: Scalabrine signs with the Chicago Bulls after Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf draws the shortest straw at the NBA owners meeting.
2011: The NBA players and owners lock up in a labor disagreement centered on a dispute over whether Scalabrine should really be described as a "player." The dispute is resolved when Scalabrine agrees to join the NBA Mascots Union.
2012: In the 3rd quarter of a game against the Suns, Scalabrine takes the ball, tries to dribble left and oh, man. There's really no way to describe it. You had to see it. It was unbelievably hilarious.