Group C
Spain
Reason to root against: Tapas
Thanks to tapas, now half the restaurants in America are charging 12 bucks for appetizers.
"Aren't these the mozzarella sticks that used to be $4.50?"
"No, sir. They are fried cheese wedges!"
"I hate you."
Reason to root for: Running of the Bulls
The annual Running of the Bulls is always a nice reminder that Americans aren't the world's dumbest people. Thanks for the self-esteem boost, Spanish!
Italy
Reason to root against: Obesity
You know the reason most everyone in the United States is a big fatass? Because food is delicious. The Italians get a lot of the blame for making it taste so good. If all we had to eat is the gruel that the English, Irish and Germans produce, everyone would be skinny.
Reason to root for: Diving
Watching the Italians dive and flop their way to a title will make you feel slightly better about the state of the NBA.
Croatia
Reason to root against: Kentucky
With a population of 4.2 millions, Croatia has almost the exact population of Kentucky. Croatia's coach probably cheats.
Reason to root for: Neckties
Croatia invented the necktie. It's not exactly up there with … you know, electricity or the automobile or planes or the computer. But it's better than Portugal's jelly fish.
Ireland
Reason to root against: Your one co-worker
You know, the guy who is 1/16th Irish and thinks that gives him the right to wear clover leaf t-shirts and drink Guinness 24 hours a day, when in reality he's just a drunk who comes from four generations of Kansans. Screw that guy.
Reason to root for: England
Them winning would really devastate everyone in England.
