Group B
Germany
Reason to root against: Starting every World War in history
One World War is forgivable. Two? People are probably going to hold a grudge for a while.
Reason to root for: Debauchery
Germany's coach, Joachim Low, has gone against usual soccer protocol and is allowing his players to drink, smoke and have sex during the Euro Cup. That should really cut the sexual tension on the team and allow them to relax on the pitch.
The Netherlands
Reason to root against: Name confusion
The Netherlands? Holland? The Dutch? What are you people? Just pick a name and stop trying to sell alternate jerseys.
Reason to root for: They're doomed
Twenty-five percent of the land in The Netherlands is below sea level. It's like wooden-shoed New Orleans over there. The Netherhollandutchers are screwed when sea levels rise a bit more. Let's give them one last soccer title before they are consumed by the ocean.
Portugal
Reason to root against: Man o' War
Portugal has been around since the year 1139, yet the Portuguese are most famous for a stinging jellyfish. They suck at inventing things.
Reason to root for: Portuguese
Despite being attached to Spain's armpit, they're sticking with a completely dead language. Have to respect that.
Denmark
Reason to root against: Stench
If there's one thing I learned in high school English, it's that there is something rotten in the state of Denmark. Clean your country, Danes! Maybe if you didn't breed such giant dogs, your land wouldn't be covered in shit.
Reason to root for: Gender-neutral words
Danish is a gender-neutral language. So if you dislike someone, there is one word for it. You don't have to pick between "dickhead" or "bitch." That's a big help when insulting people, especially if you're insulting someone who is androgynous.
