"Two minutes for beating the hell out of me."
10. The Blackhawks barely beat anyone
Chicago's 21-0-3 record is all smoke and mirrors. They only have a plus-32 goal differential on the season. Their last 10 wins have come by just an average of 1.3 goals per game. Compare that to a quality team like the Boston Bruins. Boston's last six wins have been by an average of 2.0 goals per game. That's beating a team. The Blackhawks are just barely slipping by.
9. The Blackhawks benefit by getting all the calls
Chicago has spent 153 minutes and 9 seconds on the power play so far this season. That's more than 2.5 hours. You could watch all of "Lincoln" and three-plus minutes of previews in the amount of time Chicago has had a man-advantage this season. It's pretty easy to win when the refs are in your pocket.
8. The Blackhawks don't even have a No. 1 goalie
Ray Emery? Corey Crawford? Good luck with that. Not long ago, Emery couldn't even keep an NHL roster spot. The duo might appear to be doing okay for now, but a corpse can prevent a goal, too, if the shooter shoots it right into the body.
7. The Blackhawks don't have a single player in the Top 10 in the NHL in scoring
Oh, lookie there.
So, to recap: Garbage goalies and no skaters who can put the puck in the net with any regularity. Yeah, this team is great.
The sports world has many powerful figures. Roger Goodell. David Stern. Phil Knight. Scott Boras. But the powerful can't be powerful if there aren't nearby powerless to crush. It's time to determine the most powerless figure in sports.
The NHL's many ugly, unsightly, homely and truly horrific-looking players are not required to wear masks, although the league would like that to become a mandatory rule soon. The NHL even released a photo representation of how an ugly player would look in a mask (pictured).
Sources say the issue was raised during the labor talks that led to a new collective bargaining agreement back in January, but the union balked on the mask provision over disagreement on who would determine which players are too disgusting to see.
"I think we can all agree that your Zdeno Charas, your Scott Hartnells, your Tyler Kennedys these are people so ugly that they shouldn't be allowed to show their face in public, let alone before tens of thousands in an arena and possibly millions more on TV," said NHLPA executive director Donald Fehr. "But when you start moving beyond the indisputably ugly to the questionably ugly, who makes that determination? We don't trust the owners to decide. Most of them look like frogs."
While many support player masks in the NHL, others say it would ruin the rich history of the sport.
"Ugly players didn't wear masks back in the glory days," said hockey analyst Don Cherry. "And players were uglier then, too, because they took shots off the face like men and were covered head to toe in scar tissue. Fans weren't disgusted to see them either, because fans were tough. But now we have all these women at games and all of these immigrants and if there's one thing I know about women and immigrants it's that they like fancy masks."
At least they both got to practice their backwards skating.
Playlist February's Funniest Sports Videos
Or probably any year. But definitely not this year.
#1 Is LeBron James better than Michael Jordan was in his prime?
Unfortunately, there is just no way to know this because Michael Jordan's prime fell when LeBron James was a little kid, so they never played against each other.
#2 Is LeBron James a better player than Kobe Bryant?
Similar to Jordan vs. LeBron, Kobe and LeBron's primes didn't exactly match up, but they at least have been able to play during the same era. However, basketball is a team sport, not an individual sport. And how would we agree on what makes a player better. Championships? Statistics? Again, basketball is a team sport and so many other factors come into play. All we know for sure is that both LeBron James and Kobe Bryant are very good basketball players. This speaks to the previous question, as well. Even if Michael Jordan and LeBron James had played against each other, it would likely be impossible to make a clear-cut case that one was better than the other.
#3 Will Tiger Woods break Jack Nicklaus' record for career majors?
The only way to know this is to wait and find out. Woods is currently 37 years old and in very good shape, so we could have the answer in the next 18 months or not for 25 years. Time will determine the answer. It's as simple as that.