March 29, 2013

News Dr. James Andrews Unveils Superstar "FrankenAthlete" Made from Athlete Body Parts He's Collected Over the Years

Dr James Andrews Unveils Superstar FrankenAthlete Made from Athlete Body Parts Hes Collected Over the Years - Image 1
Dr. James Andrews today revealed the creation he says "is the work of my lifetime," an athletic Frankenstein-type beast created with the chunks of body parts he has taken from his surgeries on elite athletes.

"FrankenAthlete is the most physically perfect being ever created," said Andrews. "No single athlete could ever hope to defeat it."

Andrews has done surgeries during his career on Michael Jordan, Adrian Peterson, Jack Nicklaus, Robert Griffin III, Bo Jackson and countless other great athletes. He says he has combined parts and DNA he removed from all of them to grow FrankenAthlete.

"If any of my past patients have a problem with what I have done, I'd let them know that they agreed to this," said Andrews. "They need to read the fine print on their surgery paperwork a little better."

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Filed Under   NBA   MLB   NFL   NHL
March 28, 2013

News Cam Neely Contacts Penguins About Shot to Win Elusive Stanley Cup

Cam Neely Contacts Penguins About Shot to Win Elusive Stanley Cup - Image 1
Former Boston Bruins star Cam Neely got in touch with Pittsburgh Penguins general manager Ray Shero today to ask about the possibility of joining the loaded Penguins for a shot at his first Stanley Cup.

"I realize I'm 47 years old and haven't played in 17 years," said Neely, who was forced to retire in 1996 due to injuries, "but Chris Chelios was still a serviceable player at this age and I'm nothing if not rested. Plus, whatever I might be lacking in speed or skill, I'll make up for it in wanting it more than anyone else."

Neely's career was cut short by a chronic injury to a hip that was initially damaged on a check by Penguins defenseman Ulf Samuelsson. But Neely says he has no hard feelings.

"Ulf isn't on the team anymore. And I simply want to win a Cup," he said. "I always was jealous of how Ray Bourque got to go to the Avalanche to win a championship. This is my shot to do that."

Shero says he is not sure he has a place for Neely.

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March 28, 2013

Video Bruins Goalie Tuukka Rask is Really Bad at Being Angry

Not being able to skate: the first skill of all great goalies.

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Filed Under   NHL   Boston Bruins   Tuukka Rask
March 27, 2013

News Streaking Penguins Reportedly Just One Win Away from Getting Acknowledged on Twitter by LeBron James

Streaking Penguins Reportedly Just One Win Away from Getting Acknowledged on Twitter by LeBron James - Image 1
The Pittsburgh Penguins won their 13th game in a row Tuesday night, tops in the NHL this season, putting them just four short of the NHL record for consecutive wins set by the 1993 Penguins. But the Penguins are just one game away from an even greater accomplishment.

"I got word tonight that if we win our 14th in a row on Thursday against Winnipeg, LeBron — or at least LeBron's marketing rep who posts some of his tweets — will tweet: 'Wow. 14 in a row Pengins. Congrats,'" said Pittsburgh head coach Dan Bylsma. "I told the guys and they're obviously thrilled. I just hope they can keep their attention on the ice and don't think ahead to LeBron's tweet."

Pittsburgh general manager Ray Shero has known for days that a LeBron tweet about the Penguins was in the works if the team could keep winning and has been actively making trades to improve his team in hopes of earning that recognition.

"It was the talk of hockey a few weeks ago when LeBron mentioned Chicago's points streak on Twitter, which in turn got the Blackhawks noticed by national media," said Shero. "We made it our goal that day as an organization to get noticed by him."

If Pittsburgh can increase its win streak to 14 games, team owner Mario Lemieux has said he will have the tweet placed on a banner, which will be raised to the Consol Energy Center rafters alongside the team's three Stanley Cup championship banners.

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Filed Under   NBA   Lebron James   NHL   Pittsburgh Penguins   Miami Heat
March 27, 2013

Video Mr. T Shoots the Puck at Chicago Blackhawks Game

I pity the hockey team that has Mr. T on it.

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Filed Under   NHL   Chicago Blackhawks
March 26, 2013

Video Greatest NHL Shot of the Year Sends Earpiece Into Beer

Mmmm. Beerwax.

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Filed Under   NHL   Boston Bruins
March 22, 2013

Video Martin Brodeur (Sort Of) Scores a Goal

He will not shoot and goaltend during shootouts.

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Filed Under   NHL   New Jersey Devils   Martin Brodeur
March 19, 2013

Picture Sidney Crosby Face

His face is still experiencing concussion symptoms.

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Filed Under   NHL   Pittsburgh Penguins   Sidney Crosby
March 18, 2013

Picture Steve Oleksy: Nose-Picking Hockey Player

Maybe he found what's left of Alexander Ovechkin's career in there.

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Filed Under   NHL   Washington Capitals   Steve Oleksy
March 15, 2013

Video Minnesota's Best High School Hockey Hair: 2013

Barbers in Minnesota must be broke.

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Filed Under   NHL   high school hockey