"We have more than just a hockey team we don't want," Atlanta mayor Kasim Reed wrote in a letter to Winnipeg mayor Sam Katz. "The Hawks, for example. We could give a crap about them and they're actually not too bad. You should totally take them. The Thrashers might be lonely without them. What do you say?"
Mayor Reed continued on to also offer up the Braves and Falcons.
"Again, both are pretty good and both are yours if you want them," wrote Reed. "I know you Canadians aren't into baseball too much, but you all made us have hockey teams twice, so it's only fair that you take the Braves for a while. Do you think your people would want to do the Tomahawk Chop? Most people think it's incredibly annoying, but doing it is really the only thing we Atlantans like about professional sports."
Sean Avery is totally fine with this.
Opinion What Pro Sport Should You Play?
"You watch that show and you hear all about momentum and torque and velocity and fancy science words like that," said evangelical leader Dr. James Dobson. "But, first of all, even if those things do exist, they were invented by our Creator. And, second, there is a place and a need for what science can't answer about sports. Like how good and evil and the inspired Word of God impacts, say, Lebron James dunking. When he dunks, it is only by the grace of God. There is no denying that."
"Sport Faith," which will initially run during telecasts of televangelist Pat Robertson's "700 Club," will focus in its debut episode on Yankees closer Mariano Rivera, who is baseball's active leader in saves.
"Mariano chose not to participate, so we mainly just talk about how he is fine if you want saves on Earth," said Dobson. "But if you truly want to be saved, no pitcher can help you. Jesus Christ is the greatest closer of all-time."
It's the longest-running show on television.
#1 David Stern and the Frozen Envelope
The Theory: Before the 1985 NBA Draft lottery, Stern perhaps along with other top NBA executives had the envelope containing the Knicks' card frozen so Stern would be able to feel it by touch and know to leave it for the No. 1 overall pick, handing Patrick Ewing to the Knicks.
Why It Might Be True: The NBA has long wanted the big market Knicks to be good, Stern is a New York native, the team was in the toilet at the time and Patrick Ewing was the most desired rookie to come along in years. Plus, Stern has never struck anyone as the most ethical fellow.
Why It Might Be False: If David Stern was in the business of rigging things so the Knicks would be good, he would have had Isiah Thomas killed years ago. In fact, you have to wonder if there's a conspiracy against the Knicks.
Maybe it's a custom in Finland to get drunk and fall down steps into a trophy.