AVOID: Matt Schaub, QB, Texans Matt Schaub is surrounded by a ton of weapons in Houston. Andre Johnson, Steve Slaton, Kevin Walter, Owen Daniels. Here's the only problem: Matt Schaub is not very good. Picture Johnson, Slaton, Walter, and Daniels as actual weapons. Awesome weapons. In fact, consider them the Batman suit. Pretty cool, right? Unlimited potential. But all those weapons are useless if you don't have someone who can control them. Now imagine Stephen Hawking as being inside the Batman suit. Useless. Matt Schaub is Stephen Hawking. He'll be able to spin around. He'll probably get off a few shots. He might even get lucky to hit some people with them. But it won't be nearly as good as you'd hope.
DRAFT: Kevin Walter, WR, Texans While Andre Johnson will draw double teams on the opposite side, and with Steve Slaton drawing attention out of the backfield, Walter will get plenty of opportunities to put up big numbers in Houston's high-octane attack and should easily improve on last season's totals of 60 receptions, 899 yards and and 8 TDs. We're talking numbers akin to the best years of I don't know Ed McCaffrey? No. How about Ricky Proehl? No, still not a good comparison. Brandon Stokley maybe? No. Not even close. You know, Walter may force me to break the cardinal rule of sportswriting this year and compare a white receiver to a black guy. Whoa.
Watch this (hat tip:Hot Clicks):
I can only think of a few things that would be as awkward.
- wearing a Donte Stallworth jersey while riding the go-carts
- wearing a Plaxico Burress jersey while playing a shooting game at the arcade
- working at the park's dining hall as a turkey carver while wearing a Ray Lewis jersey
- wearing an Eagles coaches jacket to the park while your kid tries to smuggle drugs in his rectum past park security
- wearing a Philadelphia Eagles jersey anywhere in public
I guess it's all just another day at Six Flags Over Bad Newz Kennels.
He has frequently been on the cover of such magazines as Muscle & FitnessandMen's Health, includingothers. Now a young male model by the name of Brady Quinn reportedly may become the face of the Cleveland Browns organization.
"I am not ready to make any decisions, but Brady Quinn has impressed me in camp," said Browns head coach Eric Mangini. "I know it's not necessarily normal to pluck a football player from the world of men's fashion. But I don't want to limit my options or stereotype."
As unlikely as it may sound, the aspiring fashion icon says he actually has some football background Quinn says he played for a small Catholic school in Indiana. But a quick check of recent records show the program is quite poor. And since graduating from the school in 2007, Quinn has primarily focused on modeling. In addition to magazine covers, he has appeared in commercials for Subway restaurants and EAS. And, per the demands of the fashion industry, he has experimented wildly with his hair, as well as his wardrobe including a fascination with tights.
But now he claims his attention is on football.
"Modeling and fashion will always be in me," says Quinn, as evidenced by his appearance on the most recent issue of Muscle & Fitness. "And that's probably how I'll always be thought of first. But I wanted to give playing quarterback a shot, too. There is only room for one Tyson Beckford. But there are more than 30 starting quarterbacks in the NFL. And while it's true that I didn't play at an elite level in college. But I think that makes the Browns the best fit for me as far as making an easy transition."
Mangini thinks Quinn could open a pipeline for more models to enter the NFL.
"These models keep themselves in great shape. They have to. The job demands it," said Mangini. "And once he goes back to visit his runway buddies and tells them about all the brigthly-colored shirts and the tight pants, I think the NFL is going to have them lining up like it's a warehouse sale at Barneys."
Picture White Kid On the All-Black Team
"We're down 2. Get the kicker ready."
DRAFT: Greg Olsen, TE, Bears In Olsen's rookie year he had 39 receptions. Last year in his sophomore season he grabbed 54 balls. In 2007 he totaled 391 receiving yards; in 2008: 574. Olsen's touchdowns also rose from two to five from his first to second season. So expect Olsen's fantasy stats to continue to improve especially now that the Bears will throw more with Jay Cutler in the fold. Just be sure to honor Olsen's 7th Floor Crew roots when you announce your pick: "(Who's your pick?) / G-Reg / (What's he do?) / Plays tight end / (Why'd you do it?) / I feel he's going to have a breakout season and help me win the league with career highs in all major statistical categories." (The rap kind of breaks down at the end there. So if you prefer, feel free to sub in something about busting a nut on a pair of breasts or sticking your dick in someone's ear.)
Despite complaints that having his owner's suite right in the middle of the field will disrupt play, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says he has no plans to move his luxury suite.
"I built this stadium. So I want the best seat in the house," said Jones. "The players can play around me."
While Jones admitted there would be some issues with any new facility even one with a price tag of $1.2 billion he insisted his sprawling owner's suite across the center of the field is not one of them.
"Leather seating. Marble countertops. Two deluxe bathrooms. Six flat-screen TVs and full-service wait staff?" said Jones. "I fail to see the problem."
Yet there seemed to be some definite issues in the opening game at the new stadium, as players repeatedly crashed into the glass-enclosed structure, injuring themselves. Both teams had difficulty moving the ball past midfield and Jones' personal waitress was killed when she stepped out to get his crab cakes and was run over by Titans linebacker Keith Bulluck as he pursued a ball-carrier up the sidelines.
Tennessee head coach Jeff Fisher says Jones' suite presents some challenges.
"This luxury box is 150-feet wide, so that only leaves five feet of open field on each side along the sidelines," said Fisher. "And their outside linebackers just wait there. So the only other way downfield is to throw over his box, but it's hard to see the receivers because he's got 50 guests in there and TVs and a bar and stuff."
Jones feels teams will adjust.
"How much of a game is played at midfield anyway?" he said. "From what I have watched of football, all of the scoring is done in the end zones. The middle of the field is almost a waste of space. I feel like I am the first owner to utilize that space to its potential."