Carolina Panthers rookie quarterback Jimmy Clausen was named the team's new starter on Monday by head coach John Fox a move Fox says he immediately regretted.
Maybe this guy could be their head coach. He couldn't be worse than Wade Phillips.
September 21, 2010 Column
Stuff You Might Have Heard
Andy Reid announces Michael Vick will be named starter around halftime on Sunday
"If Kevin Kolb is healthy, he will start for us on Sunday," said Reid at his weekly press conference. "Then Michael Vick will be promoted from backup to starting quarterback around halftime when Kevin inevitably sucks it up, definitively proving that Michael is the far superior quarterback, which is really something we all already know."
Kolb said he appreciated his coach's loyalty. "I intend to go out there and play my best," said the first-year starter. "It's my goal to not get benched until well into the third quarter."
New Orleans kicker Garrett Hartley, who everyone on the Saints agrees is most of the time a "totally worthless gaywad," briefly became useful last night in the final seconds to win the game for his teammates.
#1 The Coach From the Stands
"Choke up on that bat!"
"Set a better pick!"
"Aw, hell, we'll have to 'talk' about that one when we get home, won't we, son? This pussy league may not keep score because you're only six, but you and I both know damn well that you're losing 22-3. We'll see if you're a little hungrier for a win when I don't let you eat for the next four days."
#2 The Creepy Coach
His coaching methods may seem a bit unconventional at first, but it's like they always say: the team that showers together in front of the coach wins together in front of the coach. (No one has actually ever said that, but it sounds convincing, right?)
Two regional titles and 14 felony indictments later he'll be stripped of his position.