January 22, 2013

Picture Tom Brady: World's Manliest Slider

He'll UGG you up.

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January 22, 2013

News God Distances Himself from Ray Lewis

God Distances Himself from Ray Lewis - Image 1
God, the creator of everything, made a rare appearance today when he descended to a hill in suburban Baltimore for a hastily arranged press conference.

"I just want to go on record as saying I am not in any way working with Ray Lewis," said The Almighty. "He keeps talking about how I'm getting him and the Ravens wins, and that couldn't be further from the truth. I am not helping the Ravens win and I'm definitely not helping Ray Lewis win."

God admitted that he did create Ray Lewis, but has had very little contact with the linebacker since then.

"I'm kind of a live and let live Dude, you know?" said God. "I step in here and there for big stuff, but other than that it's up to you all to live your lives. But this dancing guy keeps going on and on about how I am winning his team games. Saying he's praying to Me and getting My power for his teammates. Enough is enough. He's out there pretending we're good friends and that we talk all the time. No. He's a liar."

Lewis began crying upon hearing God's announcement.

"Yes! Yes, God! Yes, Holy Jesus! You challenge me with your denials!" Lewis weeped, swaying and beginning to dance. "You want me to prove myself to you again, Holy God! I will arm myself with your truth and your victory."

"Oh, God, here we go again," said God. "This is what I'm talking about. I have nothing to do with this guy. I just want to make that clear. Okay? If the Ravens win the Super Bowl or don't win the Super Bowl, I'm in no way involved."

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Ray Lewis
January 21, 2013

Picture Ray Lewis' Butt Crack

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing him to poop.

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Ray Lewis
January 21, 2013

Opinion Honest NFL.com Headlines: Conference Championships

Honest NFLcom Headlines: Conference Championships - Image 1
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Filed Under   NFL
January 20, 2013

Picture God Cares About Ray Lewis Above All Else

Wouldn't the creator of the world be more of a soccer fan?

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Ray Lewis
From Staff / January 18, 2013

Opinion Your OFFICIAL NFL Playoffs Pickup Lines

Your OFFICIAL NFL Playoffs Pickup Lines - Image 1
Your OFFICIAL NFL Playoffs Pickup Lines - Image 3
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Filed Under   NFL
From Alex Schmidt / January 18, 2013

News Undrafted DIII Quarterback Replaces Colin Kaepernick Replaces Russell Wilson Replaces Robert Griffin III Replaces Andrew Luck As Fresh Face of NFL Playoffs

Undrafted DIII Quarterback Replaces Colin Kaepernick Replaces Russell Wilson Replaces Robert Griffin III Replaces Andrew Luck As Fresh Face of This Years NFL Playoffs - Image 1
With just four teams still battling it out for the Super Bowl XLVII title, some undrafted quarterback on the Atlanta Falcons' bench has emerged as the new fresh face of 2012 NFL Playoffs, replacing Colin Kaepernick in the highly visible role.

Expected to taking over for Atlanta in a set of circumstances no crazier than Kaepernick continuing to start over a healthy Alex Smith, the unheralded benchwarmer from a Division III college will soon run, gun, and slash his way to an NFC Championship Game win against the Niners, making him the new young quarterback everyone won't shut up about.

"Colin Kaepernick used to be the NFL's next big star, but that's what we said about Russell Wilson, and about Robert Griffin III, and earlier that afternoon about Andrew Luck," said ESPN analyst Tom Jackson. "Logically this new kid is the future of football itself, just because he's the best not-old quarterback on a 2012 playoff team."

This new guy who you don't even know the name of yet will be one of this year's two Super Bowl quarterbacks. That means two full weeks of analysts talking up his upside, even though the upside of every fresh face of the 2012 NFL Playoffs has been weaker than the last one.

"Nothing proves that Colin Kaepernick can't win games in the NFL more than the way Colin Kaepernick won last week's NFL game," said fellow analyst Ron Jaworski. "He's been skating by with a gunslinging quarterback style, similar to Wilson and RGIII and Luck's gunslinging quarterback styles, that doesn't have the staying power of this new kid's gunslinging quarterback style."

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January 18, 2013

Picture Ravens Fan Looks Like a Raven/Idiot

He must have a very impressive job.

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens
January 17, 2013

Video Boston Mayor Thomas Menino Remains America's Dumbest Politician

Wilcock and Gonk are as famous as KJ and Hondo

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Filed Under   NFL   New England Patriots
January 16, 2013

Picture A Mustache, Hat and Glasses Turns Chip Kelly Into ... Andy Reid!

Duh-duh-duuhhhhhh.

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Filed Under   NFL   Philadelphia Eagles   Chip Kelly   Andy Reid