News Beyonce's Nipple Falls Off in Horrific, Blood-Drenched Super Bowl Halftime Show Accident
Footage from the performance is still being reviewed, but early indications are that the singer's nipple became snagged by a metal wire in her top's chest support and then was violently torn from her body during a dance gyration. Whatever the cause, the incident shocked and horrified tens of millions watching on TV and resulted in shrieks and screams from those in the crowd, many who started vomiting or crying.
The singer laid on her back on the stage, her background music still going, and clutched her right breast, screaming: "Ahhhhh! AHHHHHH! My nipple! My nipple is off! Help! My nipple! MY NIPPPLLLLLEEEEE!"
Several feet away her nipple sat, looking like the chopped off top of an eggplant.
The incident is being called the worst wardrobe malfunction since Janet Jackson exposed a bare breast while performing at the Super Bowl halftime show in 2004.
"I know Beyonce is in a lot of pain right now, and we wish her a full recovery and we hope her nipple can be re-attached," said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. "But at least her nipple was not exposed in a sexual way. We wouldn't want to subject young people to seeing something like that. And the FCC wouldn't care for it much either."
Video Idiot Ravens Fan Celebrates Super Bowl Title
He must have gotten that idea from Cam Cameron.
Picture Superdome Ad Suggests They Should've Tried Energy Alternatives for Power
Another possibility would have been capturing the heat energy from Ray Lewis' bullshit.
News Super Bowl Champion Ravens Wait Nervously to See If They'll be Atop Season's Final NFL Power Rankings
But was it enough? The Ravens won Super Bowl XLVII 34-31 over the 49ers, but the team nearly blew a 22-point third quarter lead and had only a 10-6 regular season record. It remains to be seen if all of that is enough to convince the NFL power rankings experts on NFL.com and on various sports media websites that the Ravens deserve the top spot.
"Do I honestly think they're the best team?" said one FoxSports.com NFL power rankings panelist who asked to remain anonymous. "Not at all. But I always put the Super Bowl winner No. 1. It's my policy. I didn't set up the playoff system. It's the system we have and, good or bad, it's designed to determine a power rankings No. 1."
Not all power rankings voters agree, however.
"I look at power rankings as something that weighs the current, but also looks ahead to the future," said an NFL.com power rankings expert. "All credit to the Ravens, but I think the 49ers are the team to beat next year. They're younger, they were better in the second half, and Colin Kaepernick is a future star at quarterback. I'm putting the 49ers No. 1."
The Ravens plan subdued celebrations until all power rankings are released, which is expected by Tuesday night.
"I hope it's unanimous," said Flacco. "Including from blogs that do power rankings. It's been my dream since coming into the NFL to be the No. 1 ranked team on every sports website and blog. I don't know if I'll ever get this chance again."
Picture Joe Theismann is Still Providing Poignant Football Analysis
He needs to get back on national TV.
Opinion Super Bowl Party Recipes from the 49ers and Ravens
Joe Flacco's "World's Best" Pizza
Recipe
1. Get an average pizza delivered.
2. Serve.
3. Tell everyone it's the best pizza.
4. Hope they believe it.
5. Ask everyone to pay more than the pizza is worth.
Ray Rice's Delicious Production Pizza
Recipe
1. Take Joe Flacco's plain pizza out of the trash.
2. Add delicious toppings to it.
3. Re-serve.
4. Listen to people talk about how Joe Flacco is an ELITE chef.
News Report: Ravens Intent on Signing Elvis Grbac Regardless of Joe Flacco's Super Bowl Performance
"You always have to look to improve and you can't make decisions based on loyalty and emotion. This is a business," Ravens general manager Ozzie Newsome is quoted in a report. "As long as contract negotiations with Elvis Grbac go as planned, Super Bowl XLVII will be Joe Flacco's last game as the starting quarterback of the Baltimore Ravens."
Newsome said he wished Flacco well and appreciated his service to the team, but the GM also stated he "shared the near-universal opinion in football that the quarterback position with Joe at the controls has long held us back, this blip over the last three games notwithstanding."
Grbac has quarterbacked the Ravens before, taking over for Trent Dilfer after the Ravens won Super Bowl XXXV. The 42 year-old, whose career bests in single-season yardage, touchdown passes and passer rating best the career highs of Flacco, says he has unfinished business in Baltimore.
"It's time that a quarterback comes in here and provides leadership, a go-to guy, a vertical passing game," he said. "This is a great team. I can make it better."
News Dorky Brothers Next Door Dreaming of Coaching in the Super Bowl Together One Day
"We've always dreamed of coaching in a Super Bowl," said Kevin, 11, older brother of Jeff, age nine. "We always pretend coach in the backyard, going through game scenarios and calling timeouts. It's so much fun."
Jeff says he believes the brothers' dream will one day come true.
"My mom says that dreams even ones that people call lame or depressing or weird can come true if you really believe and work hard," the boy said. "She told me that right after I tried out for head coach of my 8-to-10 year-old football team."
"They were the first boys to ever try out for coach," said the boys' mother, Cheryl. "I mean, obviously, right? Because it's weird. But I asked the coach if there was any way he could use them as assistants, and he eventually agreed."
The two boys, who are believed to be the only people to ever ask for EA Sports' "NFL Head Coach" game for Christmas, now stand on the sidelines holding clipboards and markers while their peers play.
"What kind of weirdo dreams of being a coach one day?" said the team's head coach, Chuck Riley. "I wanted to be a quarterback when I was their age. And a star quarterback, too, not the kind that Jim Harbaugh was. To be honest, Kip and John or whatever those kids' names are creep the hell out of me. But I let them help out with the team because I don't want to get sued for discriminating against disabled kids. I assume they're disabled, right?"






