"I think Rutgers is a great fit for me academically and I see them as a program on the rise on the court," said Romar. "Also, I am convinced that head coach Mike Rice will treat me the way I deserve to be treated, and that's like a no good, piece of shit, because that's what I am."
Romar had been considering Kentucky, North Carolina, Duke, and Kansas, but said he knew Rutgers was the place for him on his official visit.
"I remember he drove me over to their arena and I accidentally opened the car door and bumped the car parked beside us," said Romar. "Coach Rice got in my face and was screaming at me and he called me a 'goddam motherfker' and punched me in the neck. It was exactly what I wanted."
"What can I say, we really like Geno Smith," said Andy Reid. "We are seriously considering drafting him with the No. 1 overall pick. One thing just seems to be leading to another. There's definite chemistry there."
Yet most NFL general managers see the photos as just the latest effort by the franchise to trick another team into trading up for Kansas City's No. 1 pick, fearing the Chiefs will take Smith even though they just acquired Alex Smith from the 49ers.
"There's no way they take Geno Smith No. 1 overall," said Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly. "That said, snuggling with him at a nightclub seems pretty extreme if they're not serious. Maybe they just like him so much they feel they can't pass him up at No. 1. This is tough. You know, maybe we should trade up."
Smith claims the photos are Photoshopped.
"I met with them, but I told them I wasn't interested," he said. "I realize every player dreams of being the No. 1 overall pick. But if that dream involves the Kansas City Chiefs? No. No one dreams of that."
News Reports: Fans of Teams Eliminated in NCAA Tournament Saying They Really Only Care About College Football
"Yeah, I know it looked like I was upset because there were tears in my eyes or whatever, but I could honestly give a crap about basketball," said one Ohio State fan after the Buckeyes were upset by Wichita State in the Elite Eight. "Basketball just is something to watch between football seasons. I honestly could care less. We'd kill Wichita State at football and they know it. That's all that matters."
This same fan reportedly said during the college football season, in which Ohio State wasn't bowl eligible, that he didn't care about that "because Ohio State basketball is going to win it all this season."
A Miami fan sounded similar following the Hurricanes' elimination in the Sweet 16.
"Oh, please. I don't care. I could give a crap," the fan said after smashing a glass coffee table and telling police who came to the door over reports of a disturbance that everything was fine. "I was just along for the ride. I care much more about spring football than stupid basketball."
News Dr. James Andrews Unveils Superstar "FrankenAthlete" Made from Athlete Body Parts He's Collected Over the Years
"FrankenAthlete is the most physically perfect being ever created," said Andrews. "No single athlete could ever hope to defeat it."
Andrews has done surgeries during his career on Michael Jordan, Adrian Peterson, Jack Nicklaus, Robert Griffin III, Bo Jackson and countless other great athletes. He says he has combined parts and DNA he removed from all of them to grow FrankenAthlete.
"If any of my past patients have a problem with what I have done, I'd let them know that they agreed to this," said Andrews. "They need to read the fine print on their surgery paperwork a little better."
"I realize I'm 47 years old and haven't played in 17 years," said Neely, who was forced to retire in 1996 due to injuries, "but Chris Chelios was still a serviceable player at this age and I'm nothing if not rested. Plus, whatever I might be lacking in speed or skill, I'll make up for it in wanting it more than anyone else."
Neely's career was cut short by a chronic injury to a hip that was initially damaged on a check by Penguins defenseman Ulf Samuelsson. But Neely says he has no hard feelings.
"Ulf isn't on the team anymore. And I simply want to win a Cup," he said. "I always was jealous of how Ray Bourque got to go to the Avalanche to win a championship. This is my shot to do that."
Shero says he is not sure he has a place for Neely.
News Streaking Penguins Reportedly Just One Win Away from Getting Acknowledged on Twitter by LeBron James
"I got word tonight that if we win our 14th in a row on Thursday against Winnipeg, LeBron or at least LeBron's marketing rep who posts some of his tweets will tweet: 'Wow. 14 in a row Pengins. Congrats,'" said Pittsburgh head coach Dan Bylsma. "I told the guys and they're obviously thrilled. I just hope they can keep their attention on the ice and don't think ahead to LeBron's tweet."
Pittsburgh general manager Ray Shero has known for days that a LeBron tweet about the Penguins was in the works if the team could keep winning and has been actively making trades to improve his team in hopes of earning that recognition.
"It was the talk of hockey a few weeks ago when LeBron mentioned Chicago's points streak on Twitter, which in turn got the Blackhawks noticed by national media," said Shero. "We made it our goal that day as an organization to get noticed by him."
If Pittsburgh can increase its win streak to 14 games, team owner Mario Lemieux has said he will have the tweet placed on a banner, which will be raised to the Consol Energy Center rafters alongside the team's three Stanley Cup championship banners.
"It's just not something I wanted to do," said Grainger. "I hope there are no hard feelings, but being seen with Mark Sanchez in public in 2013 is about the most humiliating thing I can imagine. Being seen with any Jets player, I just I would never live it down."
Sanchez had sent the 17 year-old several letters asking to take her to prom and also posted a YouTube video in which he said going with her "would be a dream come true and make him the happiest player on the New York Jets."
In place of Sanchez, Kara will go to the prom with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Kyle, a C-student waiting to see if he will get accepted to Rutgers.
"Kyle isn't exactly anyone's idea of a dream date," she said. "But at least he's not seen nationally as symbol of failure. I can't imagine the things people would say to me if I went with Sanchez. 'Hey, Kara, don't let him fumble your butt tonight.' So embarrassing."
"The U.S.-Costa Rica World Cup qualifier played in snow in Denver moved the needle on soccer like nothing we've ever seen before," said Garber. "We've worked for years to get that much buzz for our league. Ad campaigns, promotional giveaways, free tickets. Nothing really worked. Little did we know that all along we just needed to have crystalline water ice fall from the sky. People apparently love that."
Garber is hoping the league's teams in Montreal, Toronto, Denver, Salt Lake City and Vancouver can come through with natural snow. But with several teams in warmer climates, such as the LA Galaxy and FC Dallas, Garber has dispatched snow-making machines to all 20 MLS stadiums.
"My vow is that we will not drop the ball in a single game without at least six inches of snow on the field," said Garber. "I want every game to look like a classic snow-covered soccer Christmas, if there were such a thing."
News Cubs Hurriedly Preparing Wrigley Field for Opening Day by Clogging Toilets, Increasing Rat Population
"There are certain things fans expect when they come to Wrigley Field," said general manager Theo Epstein. "And the stench of urine and fecal matter is high on that list. Our stadium crew is working overtime to make sure Wrigley Field is sufficiently disgusting by April 8th."
Keeping Wrigley Field in a dilapidated state takes more effort than most fans might expect. The stadium needs to pass local, state and federal codes. It sits empty for six months out of the year plenty of time for plumbing and pest issues to be resolved and the Cubs are also flush with cash.
"It's really hard to block up a few hundred toilets that haven't been used in six months," said stadium manager Jeff Marciniak. "It takes weeks of over-filling them with bowel movements and dropping full rolls of toilet paper and beer bottles in them. And then we have to make sure everything is in place to sustain a large and healthy rat population. The way I look at it is this: You know how there are rock stars with messed up hair that looks like they just rolled out of bed? It takes hours to get hair like that. Wrigley Field is that rock star hair. A ton of hard work goes into the stadium being this shitty."
"You will tire of hearing about them and get sick of being told that head coach Andy Enfield is a genius," reads the report. "Also, you will grow increasingly jealous of him because he is a multimillionaire and is married to a supermodel. The FGCU fatigue mixed with jealousy will result in you completely loathing the program."
While you currently love the Eagles' smiling, fun-loving, alley-ooping style of play, that will come to an end in a short time. According to the report, this same style when seen through the lens of long-term success will appear to be arrogant and showboating and disrespectful to their opponents.
"Learn to play basketball the right way," you'll say, possibly after they knock your favorite team out of the NCAA Tournament three years from now. "This is playground basketball."