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Carmelo Anthony Tasered by Security After Running Onto Court During NBA All-Star Game

A New York Knicks player was tackled and then tasered repeatedly by Barclays Center security personnel after running onto the court in uniform during Sunday’s NBA All-Star Game. Continue Reading →
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James Harden Still Wowing Fans by Growing Hair Out of His Face

Houston Rockets guard James Harden continues to be an NBA fan favorite thanks to his remarkable ability to grow hair out of the lower portion of his face. Continue Reading →
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Report: Mayweather-Pacquiao Close to Finalizing Anti-Climactic Fight

Boxing fans have been yearning for a Floyd Mayweather, Jr.-Manny Pacquiao since at least 2008, and according to sources close to both boxers, a massively anti-climactic and ultimately ... Continue Reading →
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Richie Incognito Said to Now be Kinder, Gentler, Terrible at Tackle Football

The Buffalo Bills have signed one-time NFL pariah Richie Incognito, after the former Pro Bowl guard convinced the team that he has matured since being released by the Dolphins in 2013 ... Continue Reading →
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Report: Former Golfing Phenom Tiger Woods is Injured Again and Is Old and One Day Soon We’ll All Die

According to reports, Tiger Woods has re-injured his back and likely will never be the golfer he once was because we are all aging and, in a blink of history’s eye, will be rotted ... Continue Reading →
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New Father Richard Sherman Picks Fight with Guy in “World’s #1 Dad” T-Shirt

Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman and his girlfriend welcomed a son into the world Thursday morning, Sherman’s first child. But the festive occasion quickly added controversy ... Continue Reading →
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God Apologies to Russell Wilson: “I didn’t think I needed to tell you to run Marshawn Lynch from the 1″

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson was visibly upset after his team failed to win Super Bowl XLIX Sunday night, due in no small part to Wilson’s interception at the goal ... Continue Reading →
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Rob Gronkowski Pretending He’s Drunk and Shirtless at 4 AM Because His Team Won the Super Bowl

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has been partying non-stop since the Patriots won the Super Bowl Sunday night, an accomplishment a drunk Gronkowski said of this morning ... Continue Reading →
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Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady: “I’m going to keep living my completely awesome life that’s better than Disneyland”

Super Bowl XLIX MVP Tom Brady slightly altered the traditional MVP winner’s line of “I’m going to Disneyland!” Sunday night by announcing that he will instead ... Continue Reading →
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Honest NFL Headlines: Super Bowl

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Patriots Win Record Fourth Asterisked Super Bowl

The New England Patriots successfully won another asterisked Super Bowl against the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX, the franchise’s record fourth forever-tarnished championship. ... Continue Reading →
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Patriots Fire Longtime Director of Football Cheating

The New England Patriots today announced they have parted ways with David Granger, the team’s Director of Football Cheating since 2000, and the man thought by many to be the ... Continue Reading →
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Marshawn Lynch’s Single-Minded Focus on Football Causing a Distraction at the Super Bowl

Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch has been generated countless headlines this week for wanting to focus on Sunday’s Super Bowl game.  Continue Reading →
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God to Handle Play-Calling Duties for Seahawks in the Super Bowl

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson revealed today that God, creator of the universe, will call the plays for the Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX against the New England Patriots. ... Continue Reading →

Bill Belichick Excited to Unveil His Latest Scientific Research on a Memory-Erasing Device

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick says he has really grown to love science since spending a day last week with team staffers testing the PSI of footballs in various temperatures. ... Continue Reading →
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Rogue Patriots Ball Boy Said to Have Been Influenced by Deflating Video Games and Rap Music About Deflation

The rogue ball boy who single-handedly took it upon himself to deflate the New England Patriots footballs for years without the knowledge of head coach Bill Belichick or star quarterback ... Continue Reading →
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NFL Threatens to Fine Media Members Who Ask Marshawn Lynch Cliched or Pointless Questions

The NFL warned media members at the Super Bowl this week that they will receive heavy fines for stupid, cliched or pointless questions directed at Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn ... Continue Reading →
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UGGs Drops Tom Brady as QB Hits Most Humiliating Low in Human History

Embattled New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has been dropped by women’s shoe manufacturer UGGs, hitting what many are calling the lowest low and person could ever reach. Continue Reading →