Former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il in North Korea today to discuss the release of two American journalists who have been held in the country since March. The two leaders and historic golf bullshitters quickly decided they would determine the release of the journalists over 18 holes of golf.
Clinton won the historic bullshit-off, claiming he had holes-in-one on the final seven holes, including the 612-yard, Par-5 finishing hole.
"I can sling some bullshit," said Kim Jong Il, who once claimed he shot 38-under par the first time he ever played golf, "but I can admit when I am the inferior bullshitter. And Bill Clinton reigns supreme."
Clinton, who was known to shave strokes off his score as president, says he knew he had to step us his game on the first two holes.
"I parred the first hole, a long Par-4," said the former president. "I was pretty happy good drive, hit the green, nice two-putt. And then Jong over there said he put up an Eagle-2. Same thing on the next hole, even though I'm positive he had a 12. That's when I knew I had to step it up."
It was then, trailing by four strokes after two holes, that Clinton began his comeback. He took a birdie on a Par-3, a double-eagle on a Par-5 and a holes-in-one on back-to-back Par-4s, posting 10-under on four holes, even though he actually shot 5-over.
"You could tell Jong Il was reeling at that point," said Clinton. "He knew he was in for a fight. You could see it in his eyes. Also, I think he was having another stroke."
With the North Korean leader up against the ropes, Clinton went in for the kill, posting a 0 on the Par-4 7th.
"I didn't even know if I could get away with it, but i did," he said. "If you can talk about what the definition of 'is' is under oath, you can talk our way to a 0 on a Par-4.
From there it was a cakewalk, as Kim Jong Il was so rattled he even accurately posted reported two scores over the remaining holes, giving Clinton an easy 5-stroke victory, 30 to 35, and earning the release of the two female prisoners.
"I appreciate my release," said Sarah Yang. "But I am worried about how President Clinton is going to want me to make it up to him on the flight home."