"I was so hungry," said Barkley. "For dinner I only had some baked chicken and a vegetable medley or something. It's tough to always count calories. Me and Brandi were fooling around a little bit, her cleavage smelled like cocoa butter, which reminded me a little bit of cookies and before I knew it, I had picked the meat clean from her entire torso."
With only the legs and arms remaining of Brandi, Barkley continued eating the rest of her to cover up any evidence, should anyone notice the 22 year-old Arizona State student missing.
"I think it proves how effective Weight Watchers is," said Barkley. "My appetite isn't what it used to be thanks to them. Full after half a stripper? That never would have happened before."
Vic Thomas, owner of Babes Cabaret, said Barkley didn't need to finish eating his employee.
"He's not going to get in any trouble, I can guarantee that," said Thomas. "If athletes were arrested every time one of them was involved in the death of a stripper, the courts would be backed up for years. We'll just ask Charles to pay his tab. It doesn't have to go any farther than that."
Barkley says he has a hilarious bit planned with Shaquille O'Neal about dead strippers for the next TNT NBA studio show.
"Kenny [Smith] ain't never killed one," said Barkley. "Can you believe that? So we're going to get on him for that and then Shaq is going to crush a prostitute to death while having sex on the studio desk. It will be great."