Every Major League player has a specific song that plays every time they come up to bat. But it’s rare that a player’s song truly fits him.
Here are 7 players who could use a new music selection.
Tim Lincecum: “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35” by Bob Dylan
Why It Fits:It’s amazing to think, but some people were actually surprised that Tim Lincecum smoked pot despite the overwhelming evidence to support it. Consider: He plays in San Francisco, doesn’t cut his hair, and lives in the general proximity to Barry Zito. Case closed. What Lincecum did was prove that everybody must get stoned, even Cy Young winners.
Most accurate lyrics:
Well I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
B-side:“Pass The Dutchie” by Musical Youth
David Ortiz: “End of the Road” by Boyz II Men
Why It Fits:Terry Francona’s penchant for sticking with “his guys” can only last so long with a slugger whose best days are long behind him. Not his suspiciously angular facial hair, or even steroids, can save Ortiz from a batting average that’s approaching negative figures.
Most appropriate lyrics (if sung by Terry Francona):
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
B-side: “The Needle And The Damage Done” by Neil Young
Ken Griffey Jr.: “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen
Why It Fits:Remember Griffey in the 90s? The backward hat, the video game-like numbers, the video game, the greatest swing ever constructed. It’s all gone, and you really need to stop kidding yourself, Seattle. He has a double chin now. A double … goddam … chin. Maybe some day he’ll wear his Life Alert bracelet backwards. But for now, we only have the glory days.
Most accurate lyrics (if sung by a Seattle fan):
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days
B-side:“Old Man” by Neil Young
Adrian Gonzalez: “Like A Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan
Why It Fits:For the past few seasons, no one in baseball knows the feeling of being on your own, like a complete unknown, quite like the Padres first baseman. The guy batting in front of him is DAVID ECKSTEIN, and I’m pretty sure the guy behind him won a radio contest. And yes, they’re off to a solid start, but fast starts a part of the game and at some point the Padres’ (lack of) talent will win out. The native (San Diegan?) hasn’t demanded a trade just yet, but it’s pretty obvious it needs to happen, both for the future of the Padres organization and his sanity.
Most accurate lyrics (from Gonzalez’s agent to Padres GM Jed Hoyer):
You said you’d never compromise
With the mystery tramp but now you realize
He’s not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And say, “do you want to make a deal?”
B-side:“Shipping Up To Boston” by the Dropkick Murphy’s
Alex Rodriguez: “Sympathy for the Devil” by Guns ‘n’ Roses
Why It Fits:I know what you’re thinking, and yes, the Rolling Stones did “Sympathy for the Devil” first. But you just know A-Rod would pick the douchey version. Like Satan, A-Rod constantly tries to appear cordial and respectable, even though everyone knows he’s the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the human race. Sure, he’s man of wealth and taste, but his taste is Ed Hardy clothing, and for that we can’t forgive him.
Most accurate lyrics:
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
‘Cause I’m in need of some restraint
B-side: “Asshole” by Denis Leary
Roger Clemens: “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy
Why It Fits: Like the main character in the song, Roger Clemens has decided to take the approach that if you deny something enough times, even in the face of overwhelming empirical proof, eventually things will go your way. This technique is also known as the “Roger Clemens Is A F*cking Moron Defense.”
Most accurate lyrics:
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me bangin’ on the sofa (It wasn’t me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn’t me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn’t me)
B-side: “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey
Prince Fielder: “Fat” by Weird Al
Why It Fits:Prince Fielder is fat.
Most accurate lyrics:
You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it
B-side: “Eat It” by Weird Al
