No matter if you want to be an NFL draft pick like Dez Bryant or a retail clerk, you can't get a job without successfully getting through a job interview. So you need to know what kind of questions an interviewer will ask.
Here are the 10 most common questions that I ask in interviews.
And who am I, you ask? Only the general manager of the Miami Dolphins, routinely between the second and fourth-best team in the entire AFC East!
1. What are your weaknesses?
This requires people to be honest and self-aware. The trick to answering it is to reveal a real weakness, but also for the interviewee to say how he is actively trying to improve on that weakness.
2. Is your mom, by chance, a whore?
This question requires the interviewee to tell if you if his mom is a whore.
3. Why should we hire you?
In any job you have to sell something be it an actual product or service, an idea or an image. If a person can't sell himself, then he has very little chance of being successful.
4. What about your dad then a cocksucker? Does he suck cocks for money?
We've covered his whore mother. But now we're onto his dad, the male prostitute.
5. What salary are you seeking?
Now matter how good a fit the person might be with the company, if their salary demands are too far out of line with what you can offer, hiring them is likely out of the question.
6. How much did your mom charge for anal?
Because the interviewee's mom was a cheap whore, she likely didn't charge much for anal. Maybe 20 bucks. Fifty tops. This will force the interviewee to remember that his mother allowed herself to be violated for next to nothing, resulting in him lowering his previous salary demands.
7. And your dad? I bet he gave it up cheap, too huh?
Same goal of the previous question. Their salary demands will drop even lower. Since the job they're interviewing for isn't nearly as demeaning as being a prostitute, they'll remember not to be greedy but instead grateful for merely fair compensation.
8. What are your goals?
Every study shows: determined, ambitious, goal-oriented employees result in a successful company. A good candidate will have clear goals and be able to communicate them.
9. Were you an AIDS baby?
The facts are these: the guy's mom is a prostitute, prostitute's get diseases, and this guy was birthed by a prostitute. You are just doing your due diligence. You can't afford to hire an employee who's going to be missing a lot of time due to illness.
10. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
After nine straight-forward questions, this one will throw them off a little bit, allowing you to see how they think on their feet.