Tiger Woods' wife, Elin, says she is overjoyed at the surprising success her husband is having at the Masters his first competitive golf since his many affairs became public.
"Oh, this is great," Elin Woods said. "Real goddam great. I am so fking happy that everything is just falling right back into place for him. Like nothing at all happened. Like he didn't fk those 12 or 14 or 25 women or whatever it was. Really. I didn't want him to be publicly humiliated at the one thing he's good at. Nope. Not one bit. And I'm loving that everyone is applauding him. Yeah, he deserves that, right? He's a swell guy, that one."
Mrs. Woods asked reporters to quote her on that. And also pass her "heartfelt" sentiments along to her husband.
"Tell him I'm watching him. Tell him I'm watching on TV and I can see how he seems so happy and content out there," she said. "Let him know that every little smile, every little carefree comment I hear it. It goes into my ears and into my brain where it will be forever. I will not fking forget. Not any of it. Let him know that. And then tell him to get a good night's sleep."
When Elin's comments were relayed to him at his press conference following Round 2, Woods quickly excused himself from the press tent. Less than five minutes later his agent, Mark Steinberg, circulated a press release from Woods announcing how much he loves Elin and that she's the greatest mother and most beautiful woman in the world. "Elin would not resort to violence. Ever," the statement closed. "Right, Elin?"
Elin said she would have no more statements about her husband or the Masters until the tournament is over and he returns home.
"Excuse me, I have to make dinner right now," she said, bludgeoning chicken breasts with a wooden mallet. "Tiger's off playing golf again already, so yep. Looks like I'll handle all of this! Super!"