While blessed with one of the most athletic builds and powerful punches in all of women’s boxing, Christi Mitchell has struggled with one thing since beginning her fight career five years ago – her pair ofglassjugs.
“Christi has it all – speed, power, stamina – and a great mind for boxing, as well,” said her trainer, Mickey Arista. “But unfortunately she wasn’t born with a sturdyrack. If she lets those ta-ta’s take a couple good shots, she goes down.”
Mitchell’s latest loss – which dropped her to a disappointing 22-7 for her career – came Saturday night in Atlantic City when she was KO’d in the sixth round in a fight against lightly regarded Lisa Lowry (19-16-2).
“There almost no way that woman had any business being in a ring with Christi,” said Arista, “but she stuck to the playbook that people have developed for fighting her – hit a tit, move, hit the other tit, move again – and came out on top. I don’t want to admit this, but it’s gotten to the point where we may have to accept the fact that Christi’s fun bags are going to prevent her from ever winning a title.”
Lowry said she was confident entering the fight with Mitchell due to the game plan provided by her trainer.
“Every day that I was training and sparring in the weeks leading up to the bout my trainer kept stressing the three H’s – Hit Her Hooters,” said Lowry. “He even stenciled three H’s on each of my gloves to help me remember. And it really struck me how well the strategy was working when we I got tied up with Christi in the fourth round and she whispered in my ear and begged me to please stop hitting her hooters. But I didn’t and by the end of the sixth round she was down for good, clutching at her sensitive boobies.”
Mitchell – wearing a giant, ice-filled bra after the bout – admits she struggles when getting knocked in the knockers, but doubts she has it any worse than any of her other competitors.
“I can’t imagine any femaleboxerlikes getting punched there. It really freaking hurts,” she said. “That’s really what women’s boxing is all about – come out aggressive and knock someone out before they get a chance to crush your cans. I just need to regroup for my next fight and be prepared to turn the tables and bash some bazoombas of my own.”