Duke’s men’s basketball team, which has reached the Final Four for the first time since 2004, remains hopelessly and pathetically gay, say many college basketball observers across the country.
“Oh, man. Friggin’ Duke,” said North Carolina alum Jack Tankersley. “I can’t even stand to look at them. They’re so unbelievably … what’s the word … they’re so unbelievably gay. Just totally gay.”
Maryland student Joshua Benjamin says everything about Duke is gay.
“Just look at their roster,” he says. “Singler? Gay. Jon Scheyer? Gay. Zoubek? Gay. Miles Plumlee? Gay. Mason Plumlee? Gay. Their coaches? Gay to the max. Chris Collins? Gay. Wojciechowski? King of the gays. Their mascot? Gay. Cameron Crazies? Gay. Krzyzewskiville? More gay than San Francisco. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. All of it gay.”
Benjamin said that he does not mean everyone associated with Duke is homosexual.
“Oh, no. I don’t mean it in that way,” he said. “I just mean … you know – gay. But I’m sure most of them actually are gay, if that changes anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It would just make them both gay AND gay. Either way, I think we can definitely agree that they’re definitely gay. Uber gay.”
Scheyer says he and his teammates are routinely told how gay they are.
“Yeah, you hear it all the time from opposing crowds,” says the senior guard. “’Hey, Scheyer! You’re gay! You’re a total gayboy.’ I mean, it’s not very creative. But we get it a lot. Apparently people see us as gay. I also get a lot of people telling me I look like I'm retarded. But I’ve always gotten that, even before I came to Duke. The gay stuff didn’t pick up until I arrived here.”
Despite that, most Duke watchers say Scheyer is the current Duke player who most exudes that trademark Duke gayness.
“Oh, yeah. Totally,” says Tankersley. “Just like Christian Laettner. Just like Wojciechowski when he played. Just like JJ Redick. Just like Greg Paulus. It has been passed down from team to team. One guy slaps the floor and the next guy picks it up by slapping the floor after him. It’s just the way they walk. The way they complain to the refs. They way they celebrate. They way they cry. The way they wear their jerseys. It’s just so … incredibly annoying. And also gay.”
Oddly enough, the face of the Duke program, head coach Mike Krzyzewski, is not gay.
"No, he's just a fking ahole," says Tankersley.