Good ole' Glen from accounting, who was slated to retire at the end of the month, announced today that he will sign a one-day contract with the Yankees and retire as a New York Yankee.
Glen has worked in those cubicles over by the men's bathroom for the past 17 years, but he says he has always thought of himself as a Yankee after having an accounting internship with the team in 1971 while he was in college.
"My accounting career has taken me many different places," says Glen. "Hepfer's Waste Management for 12 years, the start-up I joined in the '80s that was going to build flying cars, serving as volunteer treasurer of my son's Little League, and here to this company for the past 17 years. But I always wanted to get back to where it started: in the Bronx as a New York Yankee."
Yankees president Randy Levine says the organization has no record of Glen working for the team "because we didn't keep paperwork on unpaid college interns in the '70s," but will still allow him to retire as a Yankee.
"I don't know why we didn't think of this earlier," said Levine. "We charge a fee Glen is paying $1,500 and let someone say they are a Yankee for 24 hours, well only eight working hours, contractually. And then they're gone. Easy money. We do this for a couple weeks and we'll have enough money to install platinum toilet seats in the luxury box bathrooms."
Glen says he is especially happy about the retirement package the Yankees will give him.
"They're class all the way," he said. "I get a certificate that says 'Congrats, BLANK, on retiring a Yankee.' And also 10-percent off any one box seat ticket to a game against the Orioles and a signed baseball card from Alfredo Aceves."