The two-man bobsled at the Vancouver Games was won yesterday when two drunk Canadians hopped in an unattended sled and zoomed down the icy course to a world record and gold medal.
"Woooooooooo! Pay up, bitches!" yelled Dave Orser, who took the ride with his friend, Kevin McNeil, after their friends bet them they didn't have the guts to do it. "100 bucks! Pay up NOW!" he added, before vomiting all over the track.
Orser, McNeil and a few of their mutual friends took the day off from work to attend a few Olympic events in and around Vancouver. By the time they got to the bobsled venue, the group had enjoyed quite a large quantity of alcohol.
"I don't even remember how we got to the bobsled place," said McNeil. "But I do remember the once-in-a-lifetime feeling of winning that gold medal! I think."
After taking their seats near the top of the bobsled run, Orser says several of his friends were amazed at how fast and dangerous the event looked. It was then that Orser accused them of being "pussies". One thing led to another, and within seconds Orser and McNeil jumped over a retaining wall, hopped in a sled and were headed down the track on the way to the gold medal.
"I just put my head down and screamed," said McNeil. "What else would I do?"
German bobsledder Dirk Braun, the captain of the reigning world champion team, admitted that's really all there is to the sport.
"Sad, but true," he said. "Sometimes you crash, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get a world record. It's nothing more than gravity and luck. Those two drunk Canadians had both on their side today."
Orser and McNeil haven't said if they plan to continue their bobsledding career. The pair was arrested for trespassing immediately following the medal ceremony.