Point: Sexual Addiction Is A Disease I Must Overcome, by Tiger Woods
My name is Tiger Woods, and I am an addict.
I can’t believe I’m saying that. But there it is: The naked, unvarnished truth. I have hit the rock bottom of my life. I have lost my wife. I have lost my children. And I have lost my reputation. And all of it is because I failed to recognize that I had an illness – sexual addiction – and that I let that illness take control of my life.
I’ve learned in my time at Pine Grove rehab center that sexual addiction is not unlike being addicted to alcohol or drugs. In all instances, the addiction serves to loosen your grip on reality, and to redirect all your priorities to serving it. You become, for lack of a better word, insane. And that is what happened to me. I was a servant to my own addiction, willing to do insane things to satisfy it. And I was too much of a selfish bastard – and I completely deserve that title and worse – to see it. I thought had control over it. I thought I could “manage” my life perfectly. But I couldn’t.
Many times, I found myself with my wife and children and thinking only of arranging sexual encounters with other women. And I often found myself thinking about sex when I should have been concentrating on my job, which was part of the reason I fared so poorly in Majors last year. It’s true. For someone supposedly so focused on golf, I was anything but.
But I refuse to succumb to this illness that has devastated many of those around me. I’m willing now to admit that I cannot control this addiction on my own, and that I need help. I will use these horrible circumstances to overcome this disease, and be the person my father and mother always expected me to be. Failure isn’t an option. And I refuse to take my addiction lightly.
Counterpoint: MORE VAGINA!!!!!!!!! By Tiger Woods’ Penis
WHERE IS IT? WHERE’S MORE? GIMME GIMME GIMME! I HAVEN’T SEEN A VAGINA IN MINUTES! THERE’S SO MUCH VAGINA OUT THERE! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!
LOOK AT THAT GIRL! SHE HAS A VAGINA! LET’S ROCK THAT HONEYPOT! LOOK! OVER THERE! TWO GIRLS! DOUBLE THE VAG FOR DADDY! I’M READY TO MAKE SOME VAG MAGIC! WHERE ARE WE? MISSISSIPPI? DO YOU THINK THERE’S VAGINA HERE! WELL, LET’S GO GET IT, MAN! VAG IS A WASTING!
WHAT? YOU DON’T WANT VAGINA ANYMORE? WHAT ARE YOU, AN IDIOT?! IT’S VAGINA! IT’S SO SOFT, AND WARM, AND EASY ACCESSIBLE GIVEN OUR INCOME LEVEL! YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOU’RE ALREADY DIVORCED! VAGINA AHOY! AVAST, YE VAGINA!
GIVE ME MORE VAGINA! TOO MUCH VAG IS NEVER ENOUGH!!!!!!