Many predicted an historic upset in the Massachusetts special election to fill the Senate seat left open by the death of Ted Kennedy. But Republican Scott Brown was not able to defeat Democratic candidate Martha Coakley. The election instead went to Yankees Suck, which earned 74-percent of the vote via write-in.
"When I got into the voting booth, I couldn't vote for either of them. They both suck hard," said Scott Haverford, a registered independent and Boston resident. "So I went with my heart. And my heart always says 'Yankees Suck'."
Millions of other Massachusetts voters apparently came to the same decision when it came time to choose.
"I didn't like that Coakley 'cause she called Curt Schilling a Yankee, the bitch," said Cindy O'Connell, a Democrat from South Boston. "But this Brown guy posed naked back in the '80s. I don't want no homosexual representing me in Washington, I know that much. So when it came down to it, it was Yankees Suck or Wes Welker. I flipped a coin and went Yankees Suck."
"I was drunk when I voted and I can't remember who I voted for," said independent Billy O'Rourke. "But, yeah, that sounds like something I'd do."
"Yankees suck!" said Kim Mitchell, a 16-year-old Worcester resident who is not old enough to vote and wasn't asked about the election.
Now that Yankees Suck has been elected, Massachusetts lawmakers have to figure out how to fill the seat with the state's favorite line.
"We could appoint someone to just vote 'Yankees Suck' on every bill in Washington," said Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick. "Or we could hold another special election between the several million Massachusetts residents who have 'Yankees Suck' as their middle name. We just don't know right now. In fact, there's only one thing I do know: Yankees suck!"