The Seattle Seahawks interviewed Pete Carroll today for their vacant head coaching job and are reportedly close to coming to terms with the USC head coach.
"This is moving very fast," said a source within the Seahawks organization. "Thankfully, we don't have to interview anyone else because Pete was gracious enough to don blackface. So we're covered as far as the Rooney Rule."
The NFL's "Rooney Rule" requires teams to interview minority candidates for head coaching jobs. But with Carroll in their sights, Seattle didn't want to look elsewhere.
"Pete Carroll is our clear choice. By a mile," said a front office source. "All interviewing a qualified minority candidate could do is confuse the situation. What if the guy blows us away in the interview? Then our easy choice becomes a difficult choice. Who wants that? As though life needs to be more difficult. And no way our fans go for us hiring some young, random, minority guy over Pete Carroll. Pete Carroll! USC. And the Patriots, I hear, too. The Patriots are great!"
Carroll said that anyone who might be offended by his blackface interview needs to relax.
"I'm a fun guy. I like to mess around," he said. "I hang out with Will Ferrell sometimes, you know. If Will Ferrell donned blackface, everyone would laugh. So I don't see how it's different for me to do it. You're not getting the joke, I don't think."
The Seahawks have already submitted the appropriate Rooney Rule paperwork to the league, signifying that they have interviewed Pete Carroll and "Black Pete Carroll".
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is satisfied.
"I usually let this kind of thing slide," he said. "I always fear that if I'm too much of a stickler about it people will talk about how the Rooney Rule conveniently isn't in place for the commissioner job opening."