As promised, US Magazine has released a voice mail Tiger Woods recently left a Los Angeles cocktail waitress by the name of Skanky McSkankerton. (Given name: Jaimee Grubbs.)
Here it is. It's, uh kind of damning.
Of course, I have long been a huge Tiger Woods fan. I've travelled all over to see him play. And I believe he is the most dominant sportsman of our times. You could say I have a bit of a man-crush.
So my natural instinct is to presume he is innocent.
Sooooo then why would this random woman's number be in his cell phone? I'm sure there's a great reason.
Maybe Tiger struck up a friendship with her because he wanted her to teach him how to make Elin's favorite cocktail! Jaimeeeeee is a cocktail waitress, after all! That makes sense!
Maybe she is some sort of golfing savant and is Tiger's secret swing coach and the key to his success all this time. Why not?
Or maybe she knows a lot about coming back from knee injuries. (Her specialty: brush burns.)
Or and this one is the most likely she was willing to have Tiger practice sex on her so he could be better in the marital bed with his wife and please Elin more thoroughly. This cocktail waitress was like the driving range and Elin was Augusta National. Tiger only wanted to get better for sex's most prestigious event, so to speak.
It was your CHRISTMAS GIFT, ELIN!!!
NOW YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS AND THANKSGIVING!!!
P.S. Tiger, acouple of ways to know that the skank you're (ALLEGEDLY!) sleeping with probably can't be trusted in the long run: a) she's a skank; b) she has additional memory on her cell phone to save voice mails and texts. You're welcome for the tip!