New York Jets rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez, the toast of the town not long ago, has reportedly gone almost four hours without being serviced sexually by an attractive woman.
"This continues to be an adjustment period for him," said head coach Rex Ryan. "He just needs to take care of his job on the field, and soon the continuous parade of tail will pick back up. I mean, he's still hot, regardless of the interceptions, am I right?"
Sanchez's dry spell came while he was sleeping. But that's no excuse, says the rookie.
"Back in September, I had women models, working supermodels waking me up a few times a night to orally service me," he said. "Now a normal night is sex with some reality star. And I'm not even talking crazy stuff. Just normal sex. Like, Kellen Clemens sex."
Ifthere's a silver lining to the slump, it might be that the extra sleephas allowed Sanchez to rest up, which couldproduce results on the field.
"I've had Marktalk to some veterans around the league like Tom Brady and they all say that if you produce on the field, the sex will take care of itself," said Ryan. "And then I've had himtalk to other guys, like Matt Leinart, and he says thatyou can still get tail, it will just be fat and ugly.Like me in a wig.I don't think Mark wants to go down that road."
Sanchez just wants to get back to winning.
"It's all about the wins and losses," he said. "I don't care about stats. And neither do the women I sleep with. They don't care about quarterback rating. They just want to know they're having a three-way with a winner."