NBA free agent Allen Iverson has struck a 10-minute deal with Ruby Tuesday restaurant hostess Lisa Tierney.The deal pays Tierney a base level of two months rent in exchange for fornication in the restaurant’s stockroom.
“When Allen came to Lisa Tierney, he said he wanted to stay in Lisa Tierney, and today he makes good on his promise,” said Leon Rose, Iverson’s agent.“This deal ensures that Allen won’t be going anywhere for the next 10 minutes.”
The deal is backloaded with multiple incentives, including an additional orifice penetration if Iverson performs at an All-Star level.Iverson also negotiated for an out clause after seven minutes, allowing him to wade back into free agency waters.And he has an option to pick up an additional 5 minutes of intercourse at the end of 10 minutes if he so chooses.
The deal almost never came to pass.
“There was an awful lot of posturing at the beginning,” Rose admits.“First, Allen held out.Then, Lisa held out.Then, Allen held out some more.Then, Lisa held out a little more after that.But then, we all bore down and hammered it out.Allen and Lisa came together at the very last minute.In my experience, that’s usually how these backdoor deals get done.”
But rival agents say the deal artificially drives up the market for player groupie payoffs.
“Two months rent?” said longtime agent Gus Franklin.“That’s absurd.A steak dinner is the MAXIMUM amount a floozie should be paid at that slot.”
At a press conference announcing the deal, Iverson appeared jovial.
“This was never about money,” he said.“This was about passion.I knew, when I saw Ms. Tierney, that her womanhood was where I wanted to be.I definitely want to finish out my career in this vagina.”