Mrs. Favre said she cut her husband's penis off last night while he was sleeping on the couch.
"He woke up screaming and grabbing at his crotch, completely terrified," said Deanna. "It was great. I was all like: 'Oh, get over it. I thought you were tough? Stop screaming, Mr. Consecutive Games Streak.'"
The quarterback then passed out, in shock, but soon came to.
"He was fine. There wasn't a lot of blood at all," said Deanna. "You know, because nothing all that substantial was cut off. I'm sure it'll scab up and he'll be back out there making turnovers again this weekend like nothing happened."
Neighbors called the police after hearing screams from the Favre home, but the quarterback refused to press charges against his wife or accept medical attention.
"I'm not getting into that," said Favre, when directed towards an ambulance. "I've got my hands full right now with the Cowboys."
Sterger refused to sign for the bloody Fed Ex package when it arrived at her apartment this morning, but her roommate secretly accepted it and is looking to sell Favre's severed penis to a blog.
"I think it could make a nice giveaway," she said. "Like, the 10,000th person to sign up for their Facebook page gets Brett Favre's dick."