Kumi Mikoto, a 16-year-old geisha working assigned to the luxury suite level of the new Yankee Stadium, expressed deep regret on Tuesday that she did not laugh at the joke told by investment banking titan Don Kirschenbaum, her 54-year-old, thrice-divorced client.
“I did not realize he was making a joke until it was much too late,” she told reporters.“I suppose I could blame that on the weakness of the joke, but my job as a geisha is to provide hospitality for my clients during any game here at Yankee Stadium.It’s my job to be good company, which means laughing anytime my client says President Obama won’t rest until we’re all eating each other’s livers in the gutter.”
Mikoto has trained to be a luxury box geisha since she was five years old, sent away by her parents to Steinbrenner Geisha School in Sanibel, Florida, to master the basics of modern day baseball geishaing, which include: singing, dancing, playing of the lute, tea service, fetching and falling in love with clients even though it’s against geisha code, and even though you know damn well they don’t look upon you as they would a real woman.
“Mr. Kirschenbaum is a very good client,” insists Mikoto.“He’s very polite, and he’s only asked for oral sex once, which shows incredible restraint.I do not think he is in love with his wife.Sometimes, I picture us running away under a waterfall together.But I know it is not to be.Regardless, I should have laughed at that joke.I laughed in the fourth inning last night when he called Vlad Guerrero a f—king f-g, and I should have anticipated more jokes in that vein.”
Mikoto then gently cut herself with a letter opener.“I’m so stupid!SO STUPID AND NAÏVE!”
When asked if he would forgive Mikoto’s transgression, Kirschenbaum said, “What?The Jap chick?Sure.So long as she finally lets me slip her a grand to let me poke her.She’s got an ass like a newborn, that one.You just wanna give it a smack.I got some serious yellow fever for that goosha.”