There are only a few days until the start of the MLB playoffs and SportsPickle is previewing each playoff team. Today: Los Angeles Dodgers.
1st place in NL West / Playoff seed: TBD / NLDS opponent: TBD
Everyone knows that Manny Ramirez took women's fertility drugs. And everyone knows his womb is barren. At 37 years of age, his biological clock is ticking. He may never experience the miracle of childbirth.
When you are trying to get pregnant and can't, everything seems to remind you of pregnancy. And so it is for Manny Ramirez.
The MLB playoffs, for example.
The Divisional Series is the First Trimester.
The League Championship Series is the Second Trimester.
And the World Series is the Third Trimester.
The championship celebration with champagne spraying everywhere? The afterbirth.
Or take the female reproductive system, for another example. It's hard for Manny not to see his entire team there.
The clitoris is Rafael Furcal. He's at the top of the lineup and gets things jump-started.
The vagina, or birth canal, is Chad Billingsley. No team can get to the Dodgers unless they first go through him, their ace. As the vagina is an opening, Billingsley will likely open the NLDS.
The anus, of course, is closer Jonathan Broxton. He's got the back end of games. And his stuff is filthy.
The uterus is Joe Torre. Torre keeps and protects the Dodgers, nurturing them until they are ready to go out on their own into the field.
The labia is Russell Martin. Because catcher's mitts remind Manny Ramirez of labia.
The fimbriae is Mark Loretta. Obviously, because I have no idea what the fimbriae is and I also have no idea why the Dodgers have Mark Loretta.
Anyway, I think you can see why all this can be very distracting for Manny Ramirez.
Especially because he's a moron and is therefore easily distracted.