By Jim Spetzko, Local Baseball Fan
Hey, Mike!Mikey!I gotta piss!You gotta piss?Let’s piss together!At the stadium urinal trough!And let’s talk while we do it!Let’s talk CRAZY LOUD AND SHIT!
It’s gonna be awesome!I can tell you how many beers I’ve had!I’VE HAD AT LEAST FIVE!I’VE GOT A BUZZ!LET’S GET MORE, SO THAT WE CAN BE MORE BUZZED!CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW MUCH BEERS COST HERE?LET’S TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH THE BEER COST!
Let’s stand right next to each other at the trough and talk louder than anyone else in the bathroom, so that people know we’re having a good time!I can check other scores on my Blackberry and then relay those scores to you!Dude, the Yankees are up by five!THEY ARE PLAYING SOME SICK BALL RIGHT NOW!
Oh, man.There aren’t two adjacent open spots at the urinal trough!Let’s piss on opposite sides of the trough and STILL TALK TO ONE ANOTHER!Let’s be so loud that anyone trying to urinate between us gets stagefright and can’t piss at all until we leave!Let’s see if we can make their bladders shrink to the size of a golf ball!BRO, I GOTTA TELL YOU ABOUT THIS CHICK I BANGED LAST NIGHT!HER FATHER’S DEAD AND THAT MADE THE SEXY CRAZY GOOD!
Hey, here comes our third loud friend!And he has to piss too!Let’s finish pissing and then linger behind him while he pisses and yells back at us over his shoulder!That way, people still trying to piss at the stadium trough will still be unable to function!At all!Let’s see if their excretory systems eventually explode, flooding us all in a pool of blood and urine!They’re probably hoping we won’t notice that they can’t piss.LET’S POINT THAT OUT TO THEM SO IT TAKES THEM EVEN LONGER TO GET THEIR URINE FLOWING!HEY BUDDY, YOU KNITTING A SWEATER OVER THERE?!
Let’s get nachos and hang out in here the rest of the game!I’M IN NO HURRY OF ANY SORT!I’M FINE WITH EXITING THE BATHROOM MORE SLOWLY THAN A SLUG CHOPPED IN HALF!THIS IS A GREAT TIME!
I THINK I HAVE TO PISS AGAIN!