Column Stuff You Might Have Heard
Bobby Bowden says he was forced out at Miami

College football coaching legend Bobby Bowden is going on the offensive over his resignation, saying he was forced out of his job by university officials. "They didn't want me around anymore," said Bowden, "after all I gave to the University of Miami over the years as a chemistry professor. It upset me. It upset me sure as my name is Pete Johnson!" Bowden was then patted on the head by his caregiver and taken away for his afternoon medication. "Tell them I am being probed by aliens!" he yelled as he was being wheeled away. "Cauiiflower! Cauliflower! Cauliflower!"