Column Stuff You Might Have Heard
Jets to attempt blockade of Revis Island

The New York Jets have announced they plan a naval blockade around Revis Island, hoping to bring the tiny nation to its knees. “No money, no cafeteria food, no team gear shall flow into Revis Island until it ends its aggression against the Jets,” said Jets leader Rex Ryan. “We must crush this uprising and set an example in the region.” But Darrelle Revis, the sovereign king of Revis Island, has no plans of folding. “I do not fear the Jets. They are no superpower,” he said. “They will fold to me when they see what it’s like to have Kyle Wilson and Antonio Cromartie as their sole allies. The national debt and overpopulation problem of Cromartie will bring them down.”