Column Stuff You Might Have Heard
Athlete completely unaware he just ejaculated $10 million worth of semen into groupie

Little does Texas Rangers reliever Jason Gaffigan know that the semen he ejaculated into a groupie he hooked up with last night will cost him $10 million in child support payments over the next 18 years.“Last night was one of the perks that comes with being a professional athlete,” said a happy Gaffigan this morning, completely ignorant to his fate. “You meet some hot girl at a bar, she finds out you’re a pro athlete and she wants to sleep with you. Just a totally fun night, free of any responsibility or commitment.”But Mindy Reynolds, the woman Gaffigan slept with, knows better.“I’m ovulating. That’s why I slept with him and that’s why I told him not to use a condom,” she said. “I’m positive I’m pregnant. In fact, I already have my attorney putting together the paperwork to get his money. I just hope he doesn't want to be active in the child's life. This was purely an investment.”