Column Stuff You Might Have Heard
Stanley Cup disappointed to have to spend the day with Mark Eaton

Pittsburgh Penguins defenseman Mark Eaton got his 48 hours with the Stanley Cup yesterday and today, a fact that didn’t sit well with the famous trophy. “You have to understand. The Stanley Cup gets to hang out with some of the greatest players of all-time,” said Mike Bolt, the trophy’s handler. “Gordie Howe, Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin. So when it has to spend time with these mid-rate players, boredom comes quickly.” Eaton, who has scored 62 points in his nine-year career, took the Cup back to his hometown of Wilmington, Del. “Ugh. It was brutal,” said Bolt. “Wilmington is a dump. I noticed that the Cup tried to knock itself onto its side so it could roll into the path of a bus. But it’s my job to keep it upright in those situations.”