"Tackling will make basketball more competitive and fan-friendly and more like a real sport like you know, football," said SEC commissioner Mike Slive. "We are excited about the change and confident that the SEC will be the premier conference for college footsketball."
The SEC also sent an official request to the NCAA to universally adopt tackling in college basketball. "We hope you will consider our proposal," reads the request, addressed to NCAA president Mark Emmert. "If you do not, we will simply know that you are pussies who fear the SEC dominating another sport. Your call." The letter to the NCAA is then signed: "Sincerely, S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!"
The conference is currently dead-last in conference RPI among BCS conferences and is also behind several non-BCS conferences. Florida is the only SEC school ranked in the Top 20 and usual SEC stalwart Kentucky is 12-6 and in danger of missing the NCAA Tournament.
"Basketball, how it currently is played, is really dumb," said Slive. "I've long felt that way, but this season has only further cemented those feelings for me."
The NCAA is reportedly not in favor of the SEC's proposal, but may give in if the conference follows through on its threat to secede from the NCAA if "footsketball" doesn't replace basketball. Other conferences are understandably concerned.
"College basketball essentially becoming college football with hoops?" said Big East commissioner Mike Aresco. "Oh, that figures. That's pretty much how our year has gone. My life sucks."