"Yeah, me and that fat shitstain of a twin brother of mine, Rob, are going to hang out this weekend," said New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan. "We'll probably shoot some pool, go to Hooters and maybe fire up the ol' Nintendo."
Rex Ryan says he had a Nintendo at his "bitchin' pad" back when he was defensive coordinator at Morehead State from 1990 to 1993.
"Late 20s, one bedroom apartment in Morehead, Kentucky, cable TV with the nudie channels, a Nintendo," he said. "Yeah, I was living the life. My dickhead brother was at Tennessee State then and he'd pop over on free weekends and we'd go all out on Tecmo Bowl from morning to night."
Rob Ryan says the Harbaugh brothers are getting all the coaching attention right now, but he knows the Ryans are the best.
"You want to know how I knew I was the best defensive mind in the game?" asked the unemployed Rob Ryan, sitting shirtless on his brother's couch. "I beat Rex one day and he had Bo Jackson and the Raiders."
Rex Ryan denies his brother's telling of the story, saying "the only reason you beat me is because I got up to take a dump and you unpaused the game and kept playing."
Even though the Harbaugh brothers will have a Super Bowl title between them after Super Bowl XLVII is over, the Ryans say winning championships isn't all that matters.
"Who would you rather get a beer with us or those whiny assweasels?" said Rex Ryan. "We get paid almost the same as what they do, but I've been on vacation for weeks and I'm having a shitload of fun. I win."