"I love my son and all of the pride, joy, and money he's brought to this family," said the elder Brady. "But I just don't understand some of the choices he's been making these last few years. I've been married for a while now, too, so I get that they're not necessarily his 'choices,' but for the love of God, does he have to wear these ridiculous outfits? Show some stones and be a man, boy!"
After a 20-minute rant about Mrs. Brady's penchant for making him cancel his golf plans, the elder Brady requested a refill of his bourbon on the rocks and continued.
"Tom and I have a very special relationship. When he was a kid, I never pushed him too hard when it came to football, but he always knew that getting the same haircut as the current hot pop-star or wearing women's shoes would never fly in my household," said Mr. Brady.
Spilling the drink as it was handed to him, Tom, Sr. then proceeded to change out of his pleated Dockers slacks and put on a pair of elastic-ankled sweatpants while repeating the phrase "I don't care how comfy they are, mate. They's for sheilas," in a British accent that was most likely meant to be Australian.
"You know who never put his hair in a ponytail? Johnny Unitas," Mr. Brady asked and answered before giving anyone else a chance to chime in. "You know who never posed for GQ? Johnny Unitas. You know who never lost two Lombardi trophies to Eli Manning? Johnny Unitas."
Clearly intoxicated, Brady continued to compare his son to Hall of Fame quarterback Johnny Unitas until all but one reporter remained. The lone reporter left shortly thereafter when Mr. Brady made mention of his daughter-in-law Gisele Bundchen and "the great piece of ass she is."