High school cheerleading practice opened this morning at Westgate High in Ormond Park, Ill. and head coach Jennifer Pretian says she will spend the first few days working on fundamentals.
"Basic spelling, that sort of thing," said Pretian, 32, who was captain of the varsity squad at Westgate in 1995. "Go. G-O. Win. W-I-N. Fight. F-I see, I need to bone up, too. I'm rusty."
Westgate High principal Robert Simpson says the opening week of cheerleading practice is the most important, at least from his point of view.
"If it wasn't for cheerleading, most of these girls would never learn to spell. It's their only motivation," said the principal. "This time in August is the only time of the year we can get them to learn anything of value."
While cheerleading helps the girls' language skills, it's detrimental to their math skills.
"Every one of those dumb bimbos think numbers go 2, 4, 6, 8," said math skills teacher Sheila Marcos. "I've even had some cheerleaders come through who think there are numbers called Who, Do, We, And, and Appreciate."
Principal Simpson says he wishes the cheerleading coach would spend more time on spelling simple, single syllable words.
"They don't need to spend time practicing jumping and flipping and all that stuff," he said. "They're too stupid to realize any of that is dangerous. They'd jump off a bridge to try to touch a cloud if you wouldn't stop them. I want more focus on learning first grade spelling skills."
Westgate High varsity captain Heather Perkins says she can't wait for the final week of practice.
"That's when we practice giving blow jobs," she said. "Yes! Y-I-S!"