Emmitt Smith is set to be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
If you plan to watch his induction speech, you'll want to be able to translate his words into English from Emmittese a language that bears many similarities to English, but has evolved over thousands of blows to the head.
Here is your Emmitt-to-English dictionary.
EMMITT | ENGLISH
worker = welker
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "Wes Worker is a possession receiver that make things happen." (Note: verbs, such as "make", do not adhere to any set of conjugation rules in Emmittese.)
Alternate use: "The average office welker could analyze football better than Emmitt Smith."
rice = rite
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage"
Alternate use: "Emmitt Smith will be inducted into the Hall of Fame alongside Jerry Rite."
leopard = tiger
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "You cannot change the stripes of a leopard."
Alternate use: "Elin Nordegren is going to be rich once she finalizes her divorce from Leopard."
carousing = corralling
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "They do a very good job flying around the football field and carousing the football carrier.”
Alternate use: "Many of my Cowboys teammates were known for their late night drinking and corralling."
whistle = tack
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: " go to Arizona, sharp as a whistle, and do some finishing touches so we can go down in the Super Bowl and play our best football of the whole entire season.”
Alternate use: “My quotes are so inspirational that someone should whistle them up on the bulletin board.”
conference = division
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "The NFC West is probably one of the weakest conferences in the whole NFC."
Alternate use: "It's doubtful Emmitt Smith is able to count, let alone do addition, subtraction or conference."
bootprint = blueprint
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "The Giants have given the NFL a bootprint for beating the Patriot."
Alternate use: "Despite overwhelming evidence that Emmitt Smith was kicked in the head as a child, there is no visible blueprint."
patches = passage
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: "He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. And the reason why I say that is this kid obviously has not earned the rice of patches in the locker room.”
Alternate use: "I like eating rite because there's no difficulty in its patches through your digestion system."
debacled = Emmitt Smith is retarded (loose translation)
Used in an actual Emmitt Smith sentence: “The strength of the Patriots, their offense, got… debacled.”
Alternate use: "The contents of my brain are debacled."