Scene: Sunday morning. The players locker room at the Old Course at St. Andrews.
Chris Hansen: Well, hello there.
Woods: Umm, hi.
Hansen:Didn’t expect to see me here, did you?
Woods: Uhh … no. You're not a golf reporter, are you? Plus, the press isn’t supposed to be in the locker room before a round.
Hansen: Oh, really?
Hansen: What are you doing here?
Woods: I’m about to play golf.
Hansen: Is that right?
Woods: Yes. I have to go tee off now.
Hansen: Whoa. Whoa. Not so fast. Let’s talk for a few minutes.
Woods: Okay. But let’s make it quick.
Hansen: Why are you in such a hurry?
Woods: Because I have a tee time. As I said.
Hansen: A tee time. What are you planning to do out there?
Woods: I don’t know. Play my best.
Hansen: You came here to win, didn’t you?
Woods: Sure. I play to win every time I play.
Hansen: And you intend to catch and pass Jack Nicklaus, don’t you?
Woods: That is my goal.
Hansen: How old are you?
Woods: I am 34.
Hansen: You’re 34. But you’ll be 35 in December, won’t you.
Hansen: When is the last time you won a major?
Woods: Well, it’s been a while.
Hansen: I have it right here in my hands. I printed out your Wikipedia page. It says the 2008 U.S. Open. That’s 25 months ago. Yet you still think you’re going to win?
Woods: I hope to.
Hansen: How do you expect me to believe that? You’re 12 strokes behind.
Woods: I don’t know. I’ll try my best, I guess. You never know what can happen.
Hansen: You’ll try your best. What if your best simply isn’t good enough anymore? Did you know that Jack Nicklaus also won 14 majors by the time he was 35? Same as you.
Woods: I did not.
Hansen: Do you think it's appropriate for a 35 year-old man who hasn't won a major in more than two years to think he's just going to win five more and pass the greatest golfer of all-time?
Woods: I don't know.
Hansen: You don't know. Let me see what you have in your bag there.
Woods: Umm … it’s just some golf clubs and some balls and tees.
Hansen: And what’s that over there in that pocket?
Hansen: Yes, what are those?
Woods: Those are condoms. Oh. And a bottle of Ambien.
Hansen: Why do you have condoms and Ambien in your golf bag?
Woods: I’m Tiger Woods. It would be weird if I didn’t.
Hansen: Good point.
Woods: Well, I’m going to go tee-off now.
Hansen: Okay. Have a good round. I’m a big fan!
Woods: Thanks. Hey-
Woods: Is that "To Catch A Predator" ever going to come back on?
Hansen: No, probably not.
Woods: That's too bad.Well, we both had a good run there for a while.
Hansen: Yes we did.
Woods: Want to get some barely legal girls with me later for a four-way?