Lebron James announced his "Decision" Thursday night before a nationwide audience on ESPN. He intends to sign with the Miami Heat. But the Heat quickly issued a statement saying they have no interest in signing the basketball superstar.
"Yeah, thanks for your interest, Lebron," read the brief press release from the Heat. "But the last few weeks have opened our eyes to a little fact: You're kind of a dick. No, not 'kind of.' That's an understatement. You are massive, egotistical dick, the likes of which we have never seen in professional sports. And that's really saying something. So we don't really want to be associate with you. Again: thanks for your interest in being employed by the Heat, but we'll pass and go ahead with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. Good luck in your future endeavors! And we'll keep your resume on file."
The rejection means James won't play in Miami and can sign with the Knicks, Bulls, or Nets or return to Cleveland. But considering all those franchises were initially spurned by James' announced intention of playing for the Heat, they may not still welcome him with open arms.
In fact, the Bulls also issued a statement immediately after his announcement that read: "Hey, Lebron: get fked."
While Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov was reportedly overheard telling people: "I will have him killed. This Lebron James shall die."
The Knicks or Cavaliers are now Lebron's most likely destination.
"We're pissed. I made that clear," said Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert. "But we're also kind of desperate."
"As desperate as us? Not likely," read a statement from the Knicks. "We are easily more pathetic."