kobe

BREAKING: Start of NBA Season Postponed Until Kobe Bryant’s Overall Player Ranking Can be Agreed On

NBA commissioner Adam Silver announced today that the scheduled start of the NBA regular season will be postponed indefinitely until a consensus can be reached on where Kobe Bryant ... Continue Reading →
Week7tease

Honest NFL Headlines: Week 7

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Scared, Confused Nation to Take Out Its Anger on 20 Year-Old Florida State QB

Ebola within our borders. Foreign wars. Stagnating wages. Terrorism. Continue Reading →
SouthernMissGoldenEagles

Southern Mississippi Tapes Over “Southern” in All Their Recruiting Brochures

The state of Mississippi has reached football heights it has never seen before this college football season, with undefeated Ole Miss and Mississippi State sitting undefeated near the ... Continue Reading →
barryo

President Obama Calls Cardinals to Laugh at Them for Losing NLCS

President Barack Obama called Cardinals manager Mike Matheny late Thursday night, telling him that St. Louis’s NLCS elimination on a Game 5 walk-off home run was one of the better ... Continue Reading →
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Phil Jackson Still Working on Teaching Knicks Basic Shape Recognition

New Knicks president Phil Jackson said he is still overseeing an elementary installation of his famed triangle offense with the Knicks, even though training camp opened two weeks ago.  Continue Reading →
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Report: Florida State Looking Into Why Jameis Winston is Covered in Blood

According to numerous sources, Florida State University’s athletic compliance department and on-campus security have begun to look into why star quarterback Jameis Winston is ... Continue Reading →
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Russell Westbrook Fractures His Arm Celebrating Kevin Durant’s Fractured Foot

Oklahoma City Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook will miss 6-8 weeks after fracturing his arm celebrating the news that teammate Kevin Durant would miss 6-8 weeks with a fractured ... Continue Reading →
Week6tease

Honest NFL Headlines: Week 6

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hokeconf

Michigan Player Maintains Eligibility After No One Wants to Buy His Autographed Memorabilia

Michigan head coach Brady Hoke addressed rumors today that one of his starting offensive skill position players would be suspended over accepting money in exchange for autographed memorabilia.  Continue Reading →
brady

NFL Fines Tom Brady for Good Haircut Due to League’s Exclusive Haircut Deal with SportClips

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has been fined $15,000 by the NFL for having a good haircut in his postgame press conference last Sunday. The stylish haircut violated the league’s ... Continue Reading →
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Royals Manager Ned Yost Admits He Can’t Name Most the Guys on His Roster

Royals manager Ned Yost has seen his team make an improbable run into the American League Championship Series, but even nearly 170 games in to the season, Yost admits he can’t ... Continue Reading →
Chicago White Sox v Kansas City Royals

Greatest Baseball Story in Years to Get Abysmal TV Ratings

The Kansas City Royals made the postseason for the first time in 29 years this fall, then proceeded to win the American League wildcard game and their divisional round series to reach ... Continue Reading →
PatsTease

Honest NFL Headlines: Week 5

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Gary Stays Late at the Office to Work on His Fantasy Lineup

Gary stayed at the office until 7:15 pm tonight in order to make some important changes to his fantasy football lineup.  Continue Reading →
carmelo

Carmelo Anthony Vows to Silence as Many as Seven Critics This Year

Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony told the media today that he has intentions for the kind of season “that could silence a small handful of my many critics.”  Continue Reading →
BillyBeane

Depressed Billy Beane Drinks a Case of Beer with the Most Efficient Alcohol-to-Cost Ratio

Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane took his team’s latest postseason elimination hard, pounding bottles of Dogfish Head World Wide Stout into the wee hours to drown ... Continue Reading →
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Tom Brady Knows Just the Right Scarf to Turn Patriots Season Around

The New England Patriots look as bad as they ever have since Tom Brady became the full-time quarterback in 2001. But with 12 games left in the season, the veteran quarterback knows ... Continue Reading →