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Honest NFL Headlines: Free Agency Edition

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Report: Football Player Who Wasn’t Wanted by His Previous Team Will Totally Make Your Team Great

NFL free agency season is upon us and according to various reports, players who were no longer wanted on their previous team will totally make their new teams unstoppable. Continue Reading →
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Desperate Eagles Sign 69 Year-Old Vince Papale to be Starting WR

The Philadelphia Eagles have shed Pro Bowl wide receivers DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin in back-to-back offseasons, leaving the team woefully thin at the position in Chip Kelly’s ... Continue Reading →
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Best Part of Russell Westbrook’s Game is That He Can Hit His Free Throws, Says Your Dad

Russell Westbrook continued his historic run of amazing play Wednesday night, posting his fourth consecutive triple-double in a win over the Sixers, but it’s a stat that doesn’t ... Continue Reading →
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Report: Other NFL Teams Completely Unaware They’re Just Pawns in Chip Kelly’s Grand Scheme

According to sources in NFL front offices throughout the league, all the NFL teams who don’t employ Chip Kelly are completely unaware that they’re merely puppets that the ... Continue Reading →
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Didi Gregorius Disrespectfully Displaying Great Range at Yankees Camp

New Yankees shortstop Didi Gregorius has been displaying impressive range in the early days of spring training, moving fluidly in his position and showing he will be an asset to his ... Continue Reading →
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Six Aaron Hernandez Jurors Dismissed After Admitting to Previously Being Shot by Aaron Hernandez

The Aaron Hernandez trial has been delayed after six jurors who had already been seated for the trial admitted to having been previously shot by the former Patriots tight end.  Continue Reading →
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Ronda Rousey Inspiring Young Girls to Beat the Shit Out of People

UFC star Ronda Rousey is 11-0-0 in her dominant career, capped by a 14-second defeat of Cat Zigano at UFC 184. But it’s her impact outside of the octagon that is drawing the most ... Continue Reading →
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TNT’s “Inside the NBA” Schedules 3 PM Rehearsal to Practice Laughing at Shaq’s Jokes

“Inside the NBA” producers scheduled the team’s on-air talent to meet on-set today at 3:00 p.m. for their weekly practice of laughing at Shaquille O’Neal’s ... Continue Reading →
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Red-Hot Cavs Gaining Confidence in That Guy Who Thinks He’s Their Coach

The Cleveland Cavaliers have gone 18-2 in the past six weeks to move from sub-.500 to the top of the Central Division. The hot streak has seen the Cavs grow increasingly comfortable ... Continue Reading →
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Timberwolves Ask Kevin Garnett If He Can Buy Them Beer

The Minnesota Timberwolves welcomed former star Kevin Garnett back to the team this week, and he was immediately welcome with open arms by his teammates. Continue Reading →
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Derrick Rose’s Knee Heals Itself After Being Berated by Tom Thibodeau

An MRI this morning confirmed that the torn meniscus in Derrick Rose’s right knee has grown back together after being screamed at late last night by head coach Tom Thibodeau for ... Continue Reading →
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Nerlens Noel Asks Sixers What He Did to Deserve to be a Franchise Centerpiece

Sixers center Nerlens Noel met with general manager Sam Hinkie, team owner Josh Harris and other members of the front office yesterday to ask what he did to deserve to remain a member ... Continue Reading →
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Peyton Manning vows to return “more disappointing than ever” in 2015

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning informed team vice president John Elway this week that he intends to return for an 18th NFL season in 2015 and, according to friends and associates ... Continue Reading →
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Report: Sixers Trade with Rio Grande Valley Vipers Pending Approval from League Office

A trade between the Philadelphia 76ers and the Rio Grande Valley Vipers is being held up pending approval from the NBA league office in Manhattan.  Continue Reading →
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Bobby Bonilla Reports to Mets Spring Training to Collect His $1 Million Check

Former New York Mets outfielder Bobby Bonilla reported to training camp in Port St. Lucie, Florida, today to collect his giant novelty check for $1.19 million, per his agreement with ... Continue Reading →
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Report: Jameis Winston Not Throwing at Combine Would Leave Scouts with Only 851 In-Game Throws to Analyze

Jameis Winston has reportedly not decided whether to throw at this week’s NFL scouting combine, according to his quarterbacks coach. If true, the risky move would leave NFL teams ... Continue Reading →

Pitcher Can’t Believe He Has to Start Lightly Stretching and Jogging This Week

Diamondbacks minor league pitcher Jeff Dodgeson says he is trying to mentally prepare himself for the “physical hell” that will begin when he has to report to spring training ... Continue Reading →